You in a Ghost Story

[Baywriter]

You in a Ghost Story

I’m not sure which of us died first,

but I remember being roused into an amplified

numbness, sitting shakily in my green dress

and watching a fat crow snap at a pebble

as if it were a seed. And I could only think of seeds

because seeds are simple and small

like me in my green dress, barely awake and barely there,

latching onto something inside. Maybe you were the crow

and I was the seed wanting to be fruitful and nourish your belly,

or be afraid of your belly, the muscles around it

clenching my belly. I think I must’ve been first

because I remember being alone and being cold,

smelling pretty like elderflower. And it wasn’t a crow

I saw but a shadow, which I thought was you

before the darkness sprouted wings, thick and ghastly,

and you might’ve been ghastly for a time,

but you did not have wings. I knew

what my green dress meant, old, flesh-like and smooth,

graying like the shadow, like the ghost. I remember

reaching for the small and simple pebble,

so sick of reaching that I may have undone a muscle,

startled the stone. The dryness of my palm clutching itself,

no pebble or simplicity. Whatever I had left

upwelling in my body told me that I missed,

that I saw my own shadow, that you were the seed.

[Rainman]

This poem had the feel of a dream being recounted. I liked the totemic images of the crow, the pebble and the seed - I don't know whether to make links with Freud, maybe it's more Carl Jung territory. The green dress really grabs the attention, the one splash of colour in the monochrome scene, it feels like something to hang on to while everything else is unstable and morphing into different forms. It's quite hard to get a handle on who the "you" of the narrative is, although one could probably make guesses, my initial thought was of a pregnancy that was lost, but that may be way off the mark. I liked the otherworldly atmospherics, and the way objects were invested with a kind of weight of significance.
Intriguing stuff, I shall be interested to read others interpretations of this piece. Enjoyed the read a lot.

[everhopeful]

There's quite a few twists in this one along the way, but the way you do it with some central images and reference points then simply change the perception of them makes for a very intense read. I can't escape the sense of solitude within this metaphorical death, it seems like the speaker is experiencing something closer to limbo than heaven, with everything just out of reach or just beyond her focus, yet her certainty in the presence of someone else and the different forms they take suggests she doesn't necessarily doubt the person, but perhaps their place in her life or maybe even her place in their life?
The final sentence comes around full circle and left me feeling as though she eventually saw herself in the coldest, harshest way with the significant other as somewhat of a victim.
A bit of a change from you in terms of form and style, but if you forgive the unintentional pun there's something haunting about this, and I can't shake the idea that it's the speaker's sense of guilt which is haunting her.
A splendidly written poem, as always.

[JASON]

like rainman I thought this may be about a miscarriage but the poem is so
complicated ... solid work for the om - quite a few eye catching moments:
the green dress,the seed,darkness sprouting wings - a lot to take in,good job.

[Balustrade]

Self depracation and guilt ridden, the speaker does a potent job bouncing between ideas from fugue to vague with no common thread, though weaved together tightly. There is more abstraction in this write than a central idea developed, though the theme is clear like the sun.

[Mike6]

I love the repetition throughout the poem, it feels so circular. This piece feels a bit more raw than your other pieces. Usually everything is so hidden under metaphor and polished, this feels more like an old leaf ready to crumble if you don't hold it gently. Very powerful work. I loved the images and how they reoccur throughout the poem. Very powerful stuff!

[dwells]

Two protagonists, yourself and another, on a journey into darkness with some role reversal coming out the other end; possibly with the female and male reproductive roles but steeped in metaphor. Waking from a dream can do that, the confusion - and then maybe too the realization that you are still in a dream state.
So much for guessing at this engrossing write with a sinister edge: the crow, the darkness sprouting ghastly wings, the green dress that was not, the bellies and the seeds, the apparition - almost "Alienesque" - cheers and much enjoyed pondering Bay.

[aoeclald]

I could read this poem over and over to figure out what you are trying to say exactly, with my emphasis on "read this over and over". And that quality is what makes this so well written and so captivating. There are a lot of ideas and images to process. One read through is simply not enough.

Well done,
Luke

[Sasha]

You know what struck me the most, this reverse at the ending: "that you were the seed." this line here has an echo that repeats itself in the reader's mind, and at the beginning of the poem, the seed was the speaker herself, but this striking change made the turn at the end really powerful. I like how you focused on three main extended metaphors and each makes a striking appearance every now and then, and I like to take this, as in the whole poem, as symbolism of loss and its effect, whether you lose something/someone, in both cases they take something away from you with them.
I thought this was wonderfully worded in a very engaging narrative, and to remember as well, this was an OM!

Sash

[rupertpupkin]

Great poem. Loved every word of every line in this. Well done on a most deserving spotlight

[inflames]

Bay, you're always a delight to read - even after all this time. Congrats on your spotlight!

[BarryC]

splendid work-well done