30/05/2014 Anti-Vice Girls

[Pipebomb Poet]

They pose like heroes from a Nickelodeon show.
They're no Spice but Anti-Vice Girls! Go girls go!
"I'm Savannah!" "I'm Tess!" "And I'm Brynn!"
"We use our fabulous faith to fight sin!"

They got cool nicknames: Powderpuff, Bossy Cross and Daddy's Girl!
Yes, all of them are "fair", like their Father; the youngest one in curls.
The Shady Bunch isn't afraid of Satan but of bugs? Do they need a hug?
How, o how will they fare against the Lord of the Flies, Beezlebug?
They call themselves the Teenage Exorcists, or so they say.
Luke, Matt, John and Mark all facepalm and look the other way.

Charlie's Angels? More like Bob's buffoons.
Speak of the devil, I've mentioned him real soon.
Bob Larson is a sheep god among sheep so bleak,
praying for the weak, only to prey on the weak.
"The Real Exorcist" puts the "con" in "Constantine".
The Church Bizarre has no sabbat(h) with this faith fiend.
Everyone and their dog comes with their bad dreams.
It seems salvation is for sale. They're gullible to the extreme.
It can't be possible that half the world has a demon.
Then again, I saw my ex contorting and screamin'.

Society's "corrupted by wizardly books by JK
Rowling". JK, just kidding. Welcome to the UK!
They also stay away from vampires and Twilight.
In Nomine Patris, Filis and step in the spotlight.
Baffled by Bibles? Come on, I had a better fight
against a limbless, wimpy imp with a limp last night.

"I want you to say: my daddy beat me." It's a real quote!
"I Noah boat that can save you!" I rather jump in the moat.
Their Sword of the Spirit is nothing but a toy knife.
Taste an angel blade made by Gabe! That saves a life.

I can't help but wonder. Oh poor little Tess,
why do you want to clean up His mess?
Why do you want people to confess?
Only to impress them with Bob's dress?
How much are these poor girls misled?
They put counterfeit crosses on heads
but those crucifixes never fix the spell.
She's not from hell, just a Jezebel, can't you tell?

Look! Velma and Daphne! ShagMe is here too
in a new episode of supernatural Scooby-Doo.
Oops, don't want a sexually transmitted demon in me,
especially from three kids with a serious Buffy-fantasy.
When the real deal finally comes up; possession is certain,
Bob says Satan won't take his attention and closes the curtains.

[dwells]

PBP - you have a very funny and yet socio-serious review embodied in this piece that lampoons the business of religion. Too funny and I was familiar with all but the preacher man and his henchwomen (who I just Wiki'd). Always a good read and your studious attention to detail and biting satire is non-stop. I'm afraid if I start quoting some favorite lines at this time that I'll ruin the surprise and won't know when to stop, so I'll just say "Cheers!" - for now.

[everhopeful]

Like dwells I wasn't familiar with a few of the subjects of your poem, but I'm really glad I looked them up, it helped me to enjoy this one even more. I love satiric poetry, especially when it goes after people who really deserve it like "The Real Exorcist", and even when your writing has a bite, there's always a belly-laugh along the way too. I don't know if you've ever seen the Scottish comedian Frankie Boyle, but if he were a poet I think he'd try to write like you - I emphasise the 'try' part because your lyricism, with a mix of performance poetry and songwriting skill, only comes with a combination of hard work and natural talent.
Keep dropping those pipebombs my friend!

[Philip16]

Funny, and with an edge. Spellbinding flow to this. Meticulously put together and very well done.
Philip16

[Dew]

What can I say? This might become my favorite poem of all time...the seemingly effortless flow of cross referenced word play while maintaining a stable rhythm, a constant theme, and an unstoppable machine gunning of the object of your satire...wow. If your poem could be aired once during one of their programs you would undoubtedly topple the empire.

On a more serious note...to me, it is the ultimate irony, the apex of subversion, the most epic fail in all of recorded history...that the vehicle by which peace and love and concern for our fellow man are supposed to arrive...has picked up a hitch-hiker that has grabbed the wheel and steered Christianity into a ditch.

Litmus test for any Christian: do you spend more time condemning or more time mending people? In the bible, Jesus shows kindness to 1000's and condemns only a very, very few...and the condemned are always in positions of leadership and power...never the 'evildoers' harped upon from telepulpits. These guys are the badguys in their own stories!

I'm amazed that I can find your read simultaneously so flippin hilarious and also so sobering! What the hell Pipe...I can stop reading poetry today. XD

[potentialpoet]

Saints and sinners, ain't no winners in this mix, one big bag of tricks is all I see...and that is exactly what you have cascaded down on my head, like a torrent of accusations that expose the innate fraud, especially of those who hide behind a spiritual front.

There is only one conclusion: humans are strange. Loved the poem.

[Mizuchi]

Where do I even begin? This poem was a socio-critical feast seasoned with smart references to popular culture, clever wordplay and a flow that simply would not quit. You attack the flaws in organized religion from all conceivable angles, from its inevitable dissolving into a lucrative business to its rather sad attempts to give itself a "young" image. As a poem this was a fantastic read, as a message even moreso.