A New Beginning

[dornicks]

He got up one morning
to welcome the dawn in
a man in the prime of his life,
to hear the birds sing in
a brand new beginning
a day that would live for all time.

His chicken's were laying
he'd gathered the hay in
the leaves were just starting to shed,
with logs for the winter
piled up so high they were
up almost as high as his head.

But something was missing
no smell from the kitchen
and no-one was rocking the chair,
the needles weren't clickeng
no sound from her knitting
the love of his life wasn't there.

She'd gone up to Heaven
to be with her children
the sons that she lost in the war,
the lonliness choked him
the silences broke him
there wasn't a lot to live for.

We guess at the reason
he walked out that evening
a gun in his hand to the shed,
but one thing was certain
he wasn't returning
he blew out the side of his head.

[Rassy48]

How many times we here of this happening. Your words express the tragedy of someone whom had lost that which meant everything in his life to him. He has no life without them. Excellent write for a horrible circumstance. Nicely done.

[karrie]

Oh my such a sad and gripping write! Well done!

[dornicks]

My thanks to each of you for your kind comments,

dornicks

[everhopeful]

The form of this is so lyrical, the rhyme scheme is truly exceptional with the feminine rhymed couplets enveloped by another rhyme, and even more impressive is how naturally it is stated, with an even tempo and punchy, emotive narrative. The down to earth nature of the content makes this feel like it could be anywhere, just another story with a deeply tragic ending. Even though the progression of the piece lets us know where things might be heading the final line has an enormous impact.
Beautifully written.

[dornicks]

My thanks to you,Everhopeful, for the kind review,always valued,

dornicks

[tangerinepie]

Hi..I just heard now of a dreadful suicide of a young man well known in the community, so this poem hit me hard.I thought your wording excellent, and of course our imaginings go wild with all the implications of why people do this.Reflective writing here that stirred me..TY..T..

[dornicks]

Thank you tangerinepie for your kind comment on this. It's often the people we least expect who choose this way to leave us . Much appreciated,

dornicks

[SirDaniel]

perhaps this could be called "A New Ending" but the story itself echo's the feeling so many have when their lifetime of "two" becomes "one".. all those memories, useless to reflect on by yourself. Much enjoyed,

Daniel

[flux]

I can't imagine being with someone so long that I literally can't go on without them, and yet people do.

I read this before and thought I'd commented. Congratulations for the spotlight.

[allmirth]

Congratulations on the Spotlight. This is both beautiful and heartbreaking.Wonderful rhyme to tell such a tender and sad story.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy

[Josie]

The loss of a loved one is a type of loneliness that many in our communities and families cannot handle. I liked the way you tied the senses to the emotion with no smells from the kitchen, meaning he was deprived of the tastes of food that would comfort him, especially after all the physical labor he had done. No longer could he hear the clicking of her needles and the rocking of her chair. She is gone and there is an emptiness in his life. Your rhythmic presentation offered a clear and natural tone to this tragedy.

[BarryC]

deserves the spotlight-well done

[dornicks]

Many,many thanks for each and every comment,all appreciated.

dornicks

[things_i_wrote]

i like the rhyme scheme dornick such an generous words to use in your poem

very good work

cheers..TIW