Sand and Poems

[Sasha]

[space][/space]

[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]And then he would utter:
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] "we aren't finished here yet,
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]still, there is a poem or two
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] between us."

language like this,
echoed in accent like that -
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] [space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] [space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] [space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] [space][/space] [space][/space] like his,

should kindle something within,
like it should in silly girls
with silly sayings and snickers,
instead, it kindles pangs
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] [space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]and hangs
like dirty laundry on my ribs.

say, we've written a poem or two
and composed, dressed our naked
thoughts in black words –

(I see them, my words,
with shy veil on their black and white faces,
in my mind going to a funeral - the funeral is
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space] [space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]mine;
they are something, funerals, we truly possess;
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]remain ours
and linger loyally above our dead heads as a halo) –

on the inner of our palms,
and tasted a tang of triumph for seconds
[space][/space]-like finishing a poem-
then you tell I'm the best you've ever written on;
like hot desert I am, you say;
silk like sand of hot desert;
your words easily shape themselves
in curves and lines on the surface –
something inspiring in this sand I made of
you mutter and wonder.
and wild like days and nights of hot desert.

But we should re-read and I want
to experience words happening
on my tongue, comprehend
why great is great, and learn
fragments and fractures
of greatness, and then
we can practise poetry all you,
I and we want.

A hot desert –
that's all what he thinks of and sees in me,
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]and he writes me
[space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space][space][/space]a poem and two.

[candlewitch]

hello Sasha,

I am awash in the sorrowful landscapes of your poem. how it speaks to me in my own memories of a lost love... WOW!

always, Cat

[karrie]

Whenever I see that you have posted a new piece I get all happy and do the happy dance! I just love reading you. You have such a way of bringing out, at least for me, deep down emotions within this reader, that would be me. Your use of language and imagery and the way you format your pieces and the important line breaks makes me envious! The beginning of this I love, it pulled me in and pushed me gently along to the end. There is a tender sadness to this. It is always such a pleasure reading you!

[ladymaybebaby]

Another happy dancer here! Wow, I keep thinking each time I read one of your poems...'oh yeah, this is my favorite' but you then blow me away with a piece like this and I'm itching to bookmark it and call it my favorite for sure ( we'll see how long that lasts! ) I think I'm getting spoiled, you make it look effortless and then I pick up my 'pen' and boom....it ain't easy! I just don't even know where to start about how much I love this piece, that is the honest to God's truth! Tell someone for me to please add it to the 'to be spotlighted thread'! Amazing!

-Robin
xoxo

[Mike6]

Wow Sasha! Absolutely stunning! This has got to be one of my favourite pieces by you. The word play, the ever so slight rhymes, the graphic imagery and once again your signature literary imagery and powerful metaphor. It all ties into something amazing. I think you went all out on this one, love the formatting too! I've been reading your work for a long time now, and I must admit, this is one of your best pieces. It has everything--emotion, concrete imagery, excitement. Loved it. Thanks so much for sharing!

[Balustrade]

When twp people reach such an arid state of being, letting go respectfully is the only solution; however, flaunting such egotistical sh*t as the second party in the poem above seems to be the way of the world - only to show dominance and to salvage injured pride.

[everhopeful]

Oh, Sash, this is absolutely brilliant! I find myself forced to repeat some of the comment I just left on one of Mike's poems about the extended metaphor here. You've used it so well, really flushed it out, and made it a seamless part of the poem. The diction in this is absolutely splendid, some of your phrasing is exceptional - and not just the alliteration, which I am a sucker for - and the way you've managed to retain the feel of dialogue while being deeply poetic throughout is truly exceptional.
This is such profoundly reflective piece, but it embraces rather than excludes the reader, and the nature of the relationship is laid bare for all to see. I think my favourite element was the switch in the penultimate stanza, showing the speaker's need to experience the joy of this relationship's poetry afresh, and not just reliving the past.
Excellent work, quite possibly your best work to date.

[sparky21737]

I've always loved reading your poems because of the imagery and metaphors you use. This is another fantastic write full of sadness. Thanks for sharing

Sparky

[David Wayne]

This stands out to me, would be a great ending or a poem by itself


And then he would utter:
"we aren't finished here yet,
still, there is a poem or two
between us."

language like this,
echoed in accent like that -
like his,

should kindle something within,
like it should in silly girls
with silly sayings and snickers,
instead, it kindles pangs
and hangs
like dirty laundry on my ribs.

say, we've written a poem or two
and composed, dressed our naked
thoughts in black words –





then you tell I'm the best you've ever written on;
like hot desert I am, you say;
silk like sand of hot desert;
your words easily shape themselves
in curves and lines on the surface –
something inspiring in this sand I made of
you mutter and wonder.
and wild like days and nights of hot desert.


very nice

David

[allmirth]

Well, what can I say that has not already been said...very little I will just add my voice to the chorus of praise. Your poetry is always so meticulously crafted. No detail is left to chance,formatting, word choice and placement, aural quality, and metaphor. The complete package always delivers with emotion intensity.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy

[things_i_wrote]

sand and poems ..when i read the title i wondered what is the connection between sand and poems
after i read this ..absolutely there is a deep connection between them ..i might be wrong but i find this romantic poem in my opinion with feeling of discomfort ..smooth using of words
very nice poem sasha...enjoyed reading

cheers...TIW

[ladymaybebaby]

This was in my original reply: 'Tell someone for me to please add it to the 'to be spotlighted thread'! Amazing!'
After reading it, I knew it had to show up soon in the spotlight Sash, it was just such a powerful piece of poetry... Congrats on the spotlight, this one truly shines!

-R
xoxo

[RiverRose]

This almost reminds me of Gerard Manley Hopkins, the way it seems like a waterfall of words that continuously overlap each other. You've become quite the master of words, Sash. I also apologize for this bad comment. I haven't posted in a while and I'm a bit rusty!
Congratulations on the Spotlight, though. It's beyond worthy.

[Josie]

Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight recognition. My favorite line creates quite an image:
'instead, it kindles pangs
and hangs
like dirty laundry on my ribs.'
What a description! I wanted to remove N from the scene and bring her out of that desert into a new relationship where love was reciprocal.

[Rosella]

This is unique that written in different point of view, Sasha, I love how you write this poem as it bring out beauty! Congrats of spotlight!

[everhopeful]

Weirdly enough I'm commenting this one again just after commenting a different one of Mike's. Spooky!
You managed to make the language and dialogue feel 'loose', like you were talking to the reader personally, yet narrated a deeply poetic story to them with very heavy imagery and metaphor throughout. I think the word 'heavy' is very apt for this too; even before the more macabre references there is a weight to your words which conveys to the reader, before a metaphor-topping ending which leaves the reader with that sinking, crushed feeling.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[BarryC]

fully deserves the spotlight-well done

[dornicks]

Most of it has already been said,Sasha, and deservedly so. A clever piece of writing. Congratulations on the Spotlight,

dornicks