The Dream

[David Wayne]

She came to me in dreams.
A small girl I could barely remember,
transparent and faceless in the orchard.

The moon, full and heavy like guilt,
broke the dead limbs around her feet.
Nothing grew in that orchard but her.

After 19 years of guilt...
under fresh blossoms
she forgave me.

When she walked away as I had done
Forgiveness bloomed like retribution.
I still have that dream
only now she has a face.

[dwells]

Some things will always remain for us to chew on, and it is very refreshing to read about someone with a conscience; beautifully sad DW. Then again too this could be about self as well, so effective on several levels at least to me. Heavy like a guilty moon says it all, cheers! Welcome again to TPS.

[David Wayne]

Some things will always remain for us to chew on, and it is very refreshing to read about someone with a conscience; beautifully sad DW. Then again too this could be about self as well, so effective on several levels at least to me. Heavy like a guilty moon says it all, cheers! Welcome again to TPS.

Thanks for the reply

I chewed on this a long time

was glad to see both levels were noticed.

David

[allmirth]

dwells has already pointed out the layers, so I will merely savor them, or rather feel them deeply.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy

[David Wayne]

Mirthy

Thanks for reading and the kind reply

David

[everhopeful]

Welcome to TPS David, it's always great to see a new member so enthusiastic about poetry and the site, so kudos for the efforts you've been making to support other poets even though you're still new here yourself.
Although this is a relatively short piece of poetry, I think it works in your favour, even though I didn't realise why until the ending. The lack of details about the small girl reflect the fact that dreams sometimes don't show us everything - in this case it seems that the speaker is trying (and failing) to repress a memory, and the bare nature of it haunts him.
Yet even when forgiveness is found the guilt doesn't evaporate, as now the speaker's dreams now put a face to the image. Sometimes it's the little details which make all the difference in poetry and in life.
Well penned.

[David Wayne]

everhopeful

like your name

Thank you for the welcome and the reply

I write with as little info as possible, try to let the reader fill in the gaps, so I am glad it worked here.

Thank you again

David

[BurdenedPoet]

Some things will always remain for us to chew on, and it is very refreshing to read about someone with a conscience; beautifully sad DW. Then again too this could be about self as well, so effective on several levels at least to me. Heavy like a guilty moon says it all, cheers! Welcome again to TPS.

I agree. Thank you for posting.

[David Wayne]

BurdenedPoet

Thanks for reading and replying

David

[Balustrade]

There is something elusive, ethereal, saddening and hazy about the bittersweet words you have penned. Forgiveness. Retribution. Haunting memories. I live with them but they did actually turn a bit sweeter than before.. once the facts of loss have been accepted and digested.

[David Wayne]

There is something elusive, ethereal, saddening and hazy about the bittersweet words you have penned. Forgiveness. Retribution. Haunting memories. I live with them but they did actually turn a bit sweeter than before.. once the facts of loss have been accepted and digested.

Thank you for the very nice reply

David

[BarryC]

a fine piece of writing-deserves the spotlight-well done

[oro1]

A gorgeous poem. Ethereal. The words feel lit by an inner light so delicately captured.

[AoR]

Such a haunting feel, the pain and hill at the beginning is a bit eerie but beautiful. Your pacing through this is wonderful and smooth, you give just enough to make the reader's mind spark with their imagination and get the mental gears turning. Very beautiful, carries a softness that takes us through many emotions and elements of ache, sadness, acceptance amongst others. Gorgeous writing and well-deserves the Spotlight.

[Josie]

This poem focuses on the heavy toll guilt can play on a human's life. Twenty years back a tragedy happened and N is troubled by a recurring dream. It is a poem that without more details forthcoming from the poet, could easily fit into many readers' lives. The girl could have been the sole survivor of an accident caused possibly by the N. She would not be in his life so she remained faceless in his dreams. But, life sometimes offers hope. It may not take his guilt away, but learning of her forgiveness brings hope to a shattered part of his life. What a wonderful blessing to know the little girl grew up and moved on with her life. Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight

[LorettaYoung]

Congratulations; Beautiful poem, every line was full of mystery, and imagery, I have to go up and down, forgiveness like retribution, yet now with a face. The moon, heavy like guilt; you kept me at the edge of my seat. Great poem. Loretta

[tangerinepie]

How fascinating dreams are with their mysterious messages.I loved the essence of this theme, how you developed the story into something very ethereal and yet how it begs questions about its genesis.A memorable spotlight choice..Tangie..

[ladymaybebaby]

Hey DW,

So cool to see a new( ish ) member being spotlighted! It's well deserved for sure! This line hooked me from the start:

"A small girl I could barely remember,"

What a wonderful metaphor this piece is! I just adore your diction and delivery... I cannot wait to read much more of your work!

Welcome and again so well done! I love this piece of poetry!

-LMB
xoxo

[allmirth]

I am so happy to find this poem in the spotlight. The more I read it, the more it haunts me. Your suggestive style has led me to populate this poem with m own ghost to moving effect. Beautifully done. Congratulations!

Thanks again for sharing.
Mirthy

[David Wayne]

Can't believe all the response I've gotten on this poem.

This is about me and my daughter. Her mother put me through hell saying I wasn't her dad. 19 years later blood tests proved I was. I didn't see her for 19 years. This was about that journey.

Thanks to everyone.

David