Unravel ( IK )

[ladymaybebaby]

for Linda... letting go

Every morning at dawn,
Just like the dead- you rise,
A crumbled shadow,
Two pockets, one wrist watch.

You’ve become shuffling foot-steps,
Whispering to girls, that never write sonnets,
About men who make them-
Show their love three times a day.

Now, I am alone in my blackness-
Not bothered by the rain falling,
From the open mouth in the roof,
Brainwashing like-minded clouds, grey and flat.

I’ve turned your closet into a tomb.
Starched white shirts spit buttons-
Like china saucers in a widow’s cup-board,
Fragile as an heirloom, made from ivory bones.

[Dew]

At once harrowing and deleted of all feeling. These lines were genius: "Not bothered by the rain falling,
From the open mouth in the roof, Brainwashing like-minded clouds, grey and flat"...I especially loved that long thought: brainwashing-like-minded-clouds. I have felt just like that lately. Pointless, directionless, emotionless, colorless, and washed of all spiritual or intellectual quality. You pinned my mood right up against my ribcage with that stanza. must be an epidemic of the stuff going around if it's spread that far across the gulf south. I wish I knew which way to turn for the cloudbreak...but it looks the same in every direction. The bit about making a widows bone-china heirloom out of shirt buttons was (forgive me) f--- brilliant...I know it adds nothing to say it, but how utterly poetic. Too muther flippin good for a metrical mechanist like me! I cannot write metaphors like that. I am giddy with delight over this - dew

[everhopeful]

Possibly it's a personal preference thing, but I found myself drawn to that final stanza, I wanted to read it over and over again. I love poetry with imagery, especially when it conveys meaning between the lines of what it describes, as much through the reader's natural associations as anything. In this case it's so pure, Starched white shirts and china saucers, it's all so artificial and synthetic in its purity that ultimately the fragility comes to the fore. The final line was the deal-sealing one for me regarding the imagery too, a mix of natural beauty, implied strength and discovered fragility. For me it sums up the poem as a whole, someone who, like ivory, was once strong and proud and could wear weight, yet now is a paltry tribute when it is removed from its original owner.
Excellent work.

[Mike6]

I love how this has a feeling of numbness to it. The angst is there, but it's quiet and controlled. SOmething you don't usually see with angst poetry. There's a strong level of detachment throughout the poem. I have to say Robin, this is probably my new favourite by you. The imagery and metaphor is poignant. I love the final stanza. It really brings up a lot of emotions in me. Really great work here.

[sparky21737]

This poem is filled with sadness and angst, every stanza only seems to soldify the feelings. The image of rising like the dead in the first stanza set the piece because it is almost as if the speaker has given up on it, like they aren't really living. The pictures of the dark rain clouds and ending also helped to make this a top notch poem. A beautiful poem filled with so many emotions.

Sparky

[things_i_wrote]

very nice ik LMB ..like the author can think and see what is wrong and right now
and grew up and understood everything ..i felt sadness here and those are my fav lines :

Now, I am alone in my blackness-
Not bothered by the rain falling,
From the open mouth in the roof,
Brainwashing like-minded clouds, grey and flat.


very intense piece

cheers..TIW

[candlewitch]

omg, Robin!!!

the title is so very apt! with each new line I could see it all coming apart! this is my favorite verse:

I’ve turned your closet into a tomb.
Starched white shirts spit buttons-
Like china saucers in a widow’s cup-board,
Fragile as an heirloom, made from ivory bones.

such incredible imagery filled with emotion!
always, Cat

[Baywriter]

Well, I apologize because I know this comment is not going to be a good one, simply because Mick said exactly what I was going to say. The ending was definitely my favorite aspect of the poem for those very reasons. I also liked it because of the way it worked with the title. It was cool to watch the poem 'unravel' until it ended on something both delicate and with high personal value. I liked the use of 'heirloom' there. It's as if the speaker is trying to stay together but can only hold on to pieces of her history until she becomes her own heirloom or something. Perhaps this unravelling runs in the family. The implications there, with one word, are endless, and that's what I like about it. This is a fine piece from you, as they always are. Great work.

Bay

[Mike6]

Just wanted to revisit and say congrats on the spotlight!! One of your best for sure. :) Very well-deserved!!

[AoR]

LMB, what a way to just make jaws drop. This is so very consuming. Indeed, the others have said it with truth and I agree with it all. Your titling of this is perfect for the stark and grim captivating that is your write. I, too, love the third stanza- it really sticks out to me and instills such emotions void and uncomforting, cold and just... You are a beautiful soul and you can write the most amazing expressions and feels. Some are happy, some are sweet, others funny, and like this one, all are amazingly written and striking. You deserve this Spotlight, friend. Gorgeous!

[everhopeful]

I appreciate the opportunity to re-read this one, and while my fascination with the final stanza continues, I have to add to my earlier comment and stress that the rest of the poem was good too! I'm certainly more conscious of the speaker feeling haunted, figuratively, by the memory of the departed as much as she is reminded of her by the tangible things in her life. With relatively few words, I feel like you have conveyed so much - there are elements of both the speaker and the subject's characteristics, as well as their relationship dynamic, all in all a complete feeling piece to read.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[tangerinepie]

Yes..LMB..metaphoric feast in every way, and I have always marveled at the way you examine the details of your moods and then express them with such abandon.This was memorable, and a brilliant spotlight choice..Tangie..

[amaranthus]

So beautiful, Congrats on the well deserved spotlight.

[Josie]

I am reading this as though Narrator has stepped outside of self and views what is seen. The you and I are one. It is very effective for me to read it that way, but I cannot be sure of the writer's intent. The images were poignant and raked raw with emotion by setting the mood 'A crumpled shadow/Two pockets one wristwatch. Viewing oneself as 'shuffling footsteps' is very disturbing. Thank you for an unusual presentation and congratulations on the Spotlight.

[JASON]

wow Robin
This was exquisite - congratulations on a really well deserved accolade.
Your last line is a work of art.

[LorettaYoung]

Congratulations on the spotlight; but mostly a true work of art; from the crumbling shadow to antique buttons, gut-wrenching; imagery and metaphors spectacular. What a pleasure to read. Best, Loretta

[allmirth]

I was sure I had commented on this the other day, but, apparently I was too blown away to do so. I am so pleased that now I get to do so in the Spotlight, where this most deserves to be. of course, I am not able to say anything more insightful than what others have said more eloquently. The poetry is gorgeous! The emotion is shattering. Amazingly powerful writing from title to killer closing line. Congratulations! One of your best!

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy