An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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LaLunaluss - Regular Member
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Contact:
Dormant Wrath(IK)
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by LaLunaluss » August 22nd, 2014, 3:02 pm
You can
Nag,
Rave
Rage
Ravish
Shout
Trash
Harass
Spit
Bite
Bark
Insult
Explode
Uproar
Manipulate
Eradiate hate
But you can never know the depth of wrath,
For while you burn the fuel filling your heart,
She silently tirelessly carries a stifled fury.
Once the dormant monster is awake
It will blow your ember away
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Mike6 - Elite Member
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- Location:Toronto, ON
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by Mike6 » August 22nd, 2014, 3:33 pm
This is great! I love the list of anger-related actions. It really serves as a great lead in to the final stanza. That's where the anger is, I think. Nothing like female rage! It's almost like a fire vs fire here, one is like candlelight--a softer anger then the othjer, once awakened is like a wildfire. Awesome work!
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sparky21737
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- Joined:May 3rd, 2013, 5:31 am
- Location:Queensland, Australia
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by sparky21737 » August 22nd, 2014, 5:11 pm
I loved the list that you used in the first stanza, all the words commonly used to portray anger and then the final stanza was amazing. The dormant, suppressed anger has built up until it unleashes. Thanks for sharing
Sparky
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light ~ Albus Dumbledore
Sparky's Poetry
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things_i_wrote - Elite Member
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- Location:Egypt
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by things_i_wrote » August 22nd, 2014, 5:12 pm
first of all i liked the formatting a lot that was pretty shape of the poem
and then i also liked the adjectives of anger words here at the start ..and the monitoring ,,vowing
at the end that dormant wrath will not be dormant for ever
very nice poem
cheers..TIW
Smile Laugh Then giggle :)
Life Doesn't deserve your Tears
Don't Hide From Your Fears
forget The Past , Live Now , Think Of tomorrow
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moe - Elite Member
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- Location:Southen Louisiana
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by moe » August 22nd, 2014, 7:35 pm
stunning is the word that comes to mind when I read this short, clipped and right to the point!
Well done mon amie.
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AoR - Regular Member
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- Location:Locked in an Eternal Genjutsu
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by AoR » August 23rd, 2014, 2:32 am
The form of this piece is beautiful. Also, your title is fitting and sounds quiet- like the calm before the storm type of quiet. Your words are so well-expressed, each placed with great effect and grace. The anger is crawling, sort of gnawing and feels ready to unchain a glorious and deserved wrath. Fantastically written, it is intense and chilling, visually attractive and beautiful in telling. A treat to read!
The one who isn't able to acknowledge his own self, will eventually fail.
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ladymaybebaby - Elite Member
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by ladymaybebaby » August 23rd, 2014, 8:59 am
I'm also on board with the shape working so well visually here! Really a cool idea all around... Each word seemed to be the wrath somewhat building upon each other until that final verse at the end. It reminds me somewhat of the shape of a bon-fire... Like the single words are the smoke pouring from the timber, fire and ash of the fire below... The red font just drove that image home for me! Another great anger piece. The poetry for IK has been so damn wonderful and it's been such a pleasure for me to get to enjoy each piece...
So well done, yet again Luna!
-LMB
xoxo
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everhopeful - Elite Member
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by everhopeful » August 23rd, 2014, 2:09 pm
They do say that you have to watch the quiet ones, because when they explode it's beyond belief!
The list style of the opening does a good job of conveying anger with more than just the words alone, there's something about the structure which makes the reader really fire out those anger-related words. By contrast the second stanza is a great rebuttal which shows that for all of the fury described, it's not a patch on the explosion which could come from the dormant monster!
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LaLunaluss - Regular Member
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by LaLunaluss » August 23rd, 2014, 3:01 pm
Thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate it!
the quiet ones tend to bottle up everything until they explode and it's indeed scary when they do.
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GMC
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- Location:UK
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by GMC » September 18th, 2014, 10:31 am
like ripples in a stream
building in intensity
from a whisper to a scream
great poem
GMC
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JASON - Elite Member
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by JASON » September 19th, 2014, 6:29 am
The shape looked like a mortar to me - sometimes after being fired they don't explode
and lie dormant ,until someone picks them up...
Effective poem.