Reluctant Flower -Revised

[LorettaYoung]

Reluctant Flower

She differed from most other youth
she fought for justice, valued truth.
Friends called her 'freak' and 'flower child',
they thought her choice of clothing wild.
With wanderlust and dreams of bliss
she left her family with a kiss.
She wandered many winding paths,
in foreign streams, took sun baked baths.
On vans proclaiming 'Jesus saves";
she passed far lands by silent graves.

But buried deep and kept confined,
the scars of misadventures pined.
She tasted bruised and bitter fruit
on rugged roads in worn pursuit.
With shame locked in a local jail;
her tainted dreams a tarnished veil.
Last lost at sea with crumpled craft,
splayed feebly on a sinking raft.
Tormenting trials that with time grew,
a tasty treat for satan's stew.

Reluctant flower in the glade
on beds of thorns your petals strayed
were ripped to shreds by sharpened blades,
then blown to dust in life's parades.

g.e.Kaye (edited 2/7/15)(2/14/15)(3/13/15)
Revised 4/2/15









































g.e.Kaye
2/24/15 (edited2/29/15}

[dwells]

Hi Loretta - one of your best, and the closing line calls to mind another dimension that gives depth and a sense of completion perhaps to the overall progression: where we've been and what we've spent to arrive at where we are presently perhaps. Clocks do have a way of quantifying things don't they.
A couple words that I haven't heard lately (or much, eg. eclectic and appropos), but am sure most are familiar with too; skillfully employed to paint a concise picture or make a point. Always a treat, cheers! - Dan

[everhopeful]

You start this poem with such a lovely quatrain I almost forgot what board I was in here, it was really easy to slip into the image of the speaker as a wandering flower child, enjoying the peace and love.
The poem slowly progressed from the idea of a happy wanderer to one of someone carrying a lot of emotional baggage and scars on the inside, unable to shake them no matter where they ended up.
By the ending of this poem the carefree image had completely disappeared, and that flower child really seemed to be wilting. It was only then that it struck me how small and defenceless a flower can be in a cruel world.
A really powerful piece with a very engaging narrative.

[Mizzy]

Excellent write Loretta.....
A tale of delicate innocence which misled
the reader initially into a childlike place,
Until subjected to the harshness of a cruel world !

This is a very moving poem and
a great piece of work !

Mick.

[LorettaYoung]

Ah, thanks so much Mick, for all your kind words, this passion actually came upon me and is so meaningful that all of your and the other comments are very inspiring to me. Thanks guys, Loretta

[Valentine]

You have some beautiful contrast lines in this write. I enjoyed your poem very much. Momsgirl2

[LorettaYoung]

Dan: thanks so much, have been trying to improve and appreciate your uplifting comments; have already edited it. laughing. Nice to say hello. Best Loretta

Everhopeful: As is the tone, beauty and perceptions in your poetry; so is your incitefulness in your comments; thanks for stopping by with inspiration. Best Loretta

Momsgirl: Hi, thanks so much for your kind comments and stopping by. Best Loretts

[riversidepoet]

Yes a delicate flower in a world of thorns means lots of pain, but oh, the joy that flower brings

[LorettaYoung]

Thank you riverside for your perceptive and illuminating comment and for stopping by. Best Loretta

[Balustrade]

This is excellent. I am thankful it is Spotlit or else I would have missed it. There is such calming beauty to your words that comes across despite the turn of events. There is subtle wisdom carried along your words that involves the reader and serves to remind him of what real life is. The flowing lyrical quality of this piece tops things off to deliver a standout. I heartily congratulate you on the Spotlight.

[Casmatori]

This piece is fantastic Loretta. The rhyming is exquisite in my opinion. Thank you for sharing and congrats on making TPS Spotlight!

[LorettaYoung]

Bal: your insights and kind comments are very deeply appreciated. Best Loretta

Casmatori: So thankful to you for your kind words, Best Loreta

[jsol]

One of the best I've read on here in awhile. Really well written. The last line gave the poem a compelling tone of contemplation.

[rupertpupkin]

Hi. Great write and very worthy of a spotlight. Loved the flow and the clever rhyming. Well done.

[LorettaYoung]

Jsol and Rupert: I'm overwhelmed by your kind comments and grateful for all this site has contributed to my learning. Best, Loretta

[Josie]

Loretta,
I enjoyed your illustration of the innocence and hope of the flower child and seeing through her eyes the changes that time brought to both her beliefs and expectations, how she 'wandered through a winding path
of cries and wonder, grapes of wrath/Along the twisted turns a mist/of wanderlust and dreams of bliss. Yet while this is happening, she manages to hide her scars and bloody wounds. Congratulations on receiving the TPS Spotlight recognition.
Josie

[LorettaYoung]

Thanks for much for your kind comments and observations and for stopping by to read.. Best Loretta

[everhopeful]

One of the things which I didn't mention first time around, and I think it really helped the poem, was the lilting delivery of it. That accentuates my perception of the innocent nature of the 'flower child', in fact it almost embodies them, and makes for a distinctive jolt when the content turns less jovial.
You also have a solid spoken rhythm, a sprinkling of alliteration, and good use of rhyme which makes it very pleasant to speak out loud.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[LorettaYoung]

Thank you again, Everhopeful, for your kind comments and recognition in depth of the feelings and things I am gratified that are expressed. Best Loretta