Pain

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
Post Reply
User avatar
UlfvarrOT
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:286
Joined:January 14th, 2014, 7:25 pm
Location:Michigan, USA
Pain

Post by UlfvarrOT » January 24th, 2015, 12:31 pm

Pain


A broken mirror rests on the warped floor,
reflects a face too ugly to adore,
The cold rushes in, it will be dark soon,
In this darkened state, he has to attune,
He has been abandoned in an empty home,
A new chapter in the wall of fate's tome,
Born without a mother, no navel or name,
His only company, a single word,
Pain.

The champagne in a sea of ice,
The cork rockets away, once and then twice,
Tonight they celebrate like new crowned kings,
Surrounded by riches, women, and fancy things,
On the outside he smiles, the time of his life,
But inside a storm is brewing, one of strife,
nobody knows what these riches have cost,
his one friend to replace the family he lost,
Pain.

He is so close now, old, grey and used up,
Doubtless, he knows this will be his last sup',
Hands once made of iron now soft and pale,
His spirit lives on though his body fails,
Flowers in a vase now wilted and dead,
Like them, he is wasting away in bed,
There was only one constant in his life,
That tears away like a quickly stabbing knife,
Pain.

When everyone else turns their back,
When the final chord plays and fades to black,
When you are just existing, dead inside,
When all you want to do is hide,
When you cannot forget all the heartache,
When your sanity is about to break,
There is only one friend true to his word,
The friend everyone has first and last heard,
Pain.


I am the color red in a world of black & white

Image Image
Image

View my poetry portfolio

LorettaYoung
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:984
Joined:April 6th, 2014, 6:03 pm
Location:Woodstock, NY

Re: Pain

Post by LorettaYoung » January 24th, 2015, 1:51 pm

How well and aptly you portray the one constant in life, very few if any escapte. Pain. Well donem Loretta



everhopeful
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:6714
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am

Re: Pain

Post by everhopeful » January 26th, 2015, 2:42 pm

The format of this one, drawing all of the emphasis on to that one word refrain, is incredibly tricky to pull off without making the refrain word lose its power. You have certainly achieved it successfully here, and I think the pacing is key. Each stanza develops within the deeper context of the poem at just the right pace so that 'pain' comes at the crescendo and rings in the reader's ears.
A brutal poem to consider, and not a way people might like to think of it, but for many a fair reflection of the travels of life.



User avatar
tangerinepie
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:4459
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 10:42 pm
Location:The North Shore

Re: Pain

Post by tangerinepie » January 27th, 2015, 8:51 pm

Well, I suppose in feeling pain, we might then embrace pleasure with more zest.Still, being elderly and alone in pain is very upsetting.I liked the way you built this poem to a great ending..Tangie..


Image
Image

User avatar
UlfvarrOT
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:286
Joined:January 14th, 2014, 7:25 pm
Location:Michigan, USA

Re: Pain

Post by UlfvarrOT » February 3rd, 2015, 1:54 am

Thanks for the comments. Throughout life, I've learned that there is one constant. That's pain. Either physical, emotional, or psychological. We all get hurt, and we all bleed. Pain is our reminder that we are human


I am the color red in a world of black & white

Image Image
Image

View my poetry portfolio

User avatar
ThePoetryQueen
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:171
Joined:August 23rd, 2012, 2:10 am

Re: Pain

Post by ThePoetryQueen » February 3rd, 2015, 10:39 am

"Born without a mother, no navel or name,
His only company, a single word,
Pain."

Absolutely loved that line. Nicely written!! :)


"Who am I, and who will I become?", is the question. And through my writings, I hope to find the answers.

Image

rupertpupkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts:3342
Joined:April 19th, 2012, 10:03 am

Re: Pain

Post by rupertpupkin » March 1st, 2015, 10:55 am

Hi. Really enjoyed this wonderful write. Quite captivating throughout. Well done on a very deserving spotlight.


ImageImage

JASON
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:3145
Joined:June 19th, 2012, 7:43 am
Location:here and there

Re: Pain

Post by JASON » March 1st, 2015, 11:22 am

and a BIG SHOUTOUT TO THE VIKING!!!
CONGRATULATIONS. :thumb:
really well written -
you smoked it right from the get go with that classic 1st stanza...



User avatar
Moirae
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:102
Joined:June 29th, 2012, 8:16 am
Location:Walking with the Ice Cream Man...

Re: Pain

Post by Moirae » March 1st, 2015, 5:09 pm

I have read quite a few sad/tragic poems in my time but this one absolutely intoxicated me and crushed me. I love so many things about this piece, the flow to the imagery to the very way of the story it told. Just really well done work. Congrats on your spotlight, this piece definitely deserves to be here.



User avatar
Ladywildalice
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:4572
Joined:April 18th, 2012, 5:22 pm
Location:Wichita, Kansas

Re: Pain

Post by Ladywildalice » March 2nd, 2015, 10:22 am

Congratulations on the Spotlight, this is a truly deserving piece that speaks to one of the common threads we all, as humans, share. Indeed, no one escapes it in one of its many forms. Some are weakened by it and can never escape its talons, some are strengthened by it and strike back. Some melt into it and accept it as an unavoidable truth, others run from it and hide in drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or crime. Whatever the experience, it is a universal reality that we all must deal with..................looking it in the eye and smiling is the hardest part. Well done.


'Where ecstasy leaves gravity and dances with wild eyes' by Ladywildalice

Image

everhopeful
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:6714
Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am

Re: Pain

Post by everhopeful » March 2nd, 2015, 4:28 pm

This is absolutely relentless, and I think that approach to the structure and pacing of the poem enhances and even imitates the meaning of the words themselves. I particularly enjoyed the second stanza, that image of someone surrounded by joy yet still feeling so deeply troubled really resonated with me.
Congratulations on the spotlight!



User avatar
Josie
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:770
Joined:May 27th, 2012, 10:31 pm

Re: Pain

Post by Josie » March 3rd, 2015, 10:25 pm

Is it going to hurt? I guess we have to be dead because hurting seems to be a condition of the living. Thank you for sharing a very thought provoking subject. I almost felt like I had to sneak up on the poem. Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight.


Image Image

SirFleshwound
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:543
Joined:July 20th, 2012, 5:03 am
Location:Queensland Australia

Re: Pain

Post by SirFleshwound » March 5th, 2015, 5:21 am

Bravo. Many memorable stanza's here to devour and adore. You convey the theme so honestly, it can be felt. A well chosen spotlight piece.



Post Reply