That grows not old

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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GMC
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That grows not old

Post by GMC » January 30th, 2014, 10:02 am

Come gather round yet make no sound
Upon this hellish battleground
where flags are raised by the flowing stream
as wounded men they sleep and dream

of peaceful days all free from pain
for soon they face the sword again
as horses neigh show whites of eyes
the smell of blood and fearful cries

the dawn it creeps with stealth like ease
as men do pray upon their knees
then like rain from a darkening sky
a thousand arrows are let fly

Now rain it lashes down on all
The drum it sounds a brief recall
The boy lays dead upon the ground
The living pass without a sound

And thunder now drowns out the guns
And lightning bright as a hundred suns
A cut a thrust a cry of pain
The battle is renewed again

By noon the field is all but lost
The scavengers will count the cost
They strip the dignity from the dead
While battle fever fills their heads

Now silence mid the swirling smoke
A pool of blood a lance now broke
A single fire that’s burning still
Upon this field where mad men kill

Tomorrows dawn it just creeps in
Good men did die an ungodly sin
For this is mankind’s endless war
They’ve fought it many times before

A bloody scene Is here retold
A well-worn tale that grows not old


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candlewitch
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Re: That grows not old

Post by candlewitch » January 30th, 2014, 12:42 pm

Dear GMC,

your storytelling skills remain as powerful and thought provoking as ever! The theme is one pondered and feared by many.

A bloody scene Is here retold
A well-worn tale that grows not old

affectionately, Cat


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Zombie
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Re: That grows not old

Post by Zombie » January 31st, 2014, 2:02 am

I enjoyed this piece. Great story-telling ability and very thought-provoking. I love the last two lines and the way they end the piece so nicely.

Great job!


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Where the son is the darkest seed, he crawls with the curs in the weeds."

Mike6
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Re: That grows not old

Post by Mike6 » January 31st, 2014, 8:37 am

I have to agree your storytelling skills are superb and your rhythm is on point. I loved the last two lines because they ring so true--you're telling a new story, but at the same time the tale is one that's been told time and time again yet never gets old. Great work.



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UlfvarrOT
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Re: That grows not old

Post by UlfvarrOT » January 31st, 2014, 8:45 am

I've gotta say I liked it a lot. War poems are always a winner in my book


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dwells
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Re: That grows not old

Post by dwells » January 31st, 2014, 1:00 pm

Truly enjoyed the scene you set in Medieval times when men fought for an honorable king and cause. Seems like we have now advanced to bigger and better weaponry to kill from afar, and lose the terrible scene that you described so well, and with it the personal impact perhaps and immediate consequences. Cheers and all hail GMC!


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Josie
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Re: That grows not old

Post by Josie » May 28th, 2015, 12:37 am

My reply repeated.
Sorry!
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Last edited by Josie on May 28th, 2015, 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.


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Re: That grows not old

Post by Josie » May 28th, 2015, 12:40 am

For this is mankind’s endless war
They’ve fought it many times before
*Yes, wars and rumors of wars, are a part of this living world experience. It reminds me, too, that the poor will always be with us. I guess finding our role is significant. How do we personally deal with these problems in our society?
You also wrote:
Now rain it lashes down on all
The drum it sounds a brief recall
The boy lays dead upon the ground
The living pass without a sound
*While it is true that rain lashes down on all, we are not equally affected. There are places you can live that barely experience rainfall and other people live on flood plains. War torn areas may have generations of their families suffering from atrocities, while other individuals can live a life time of ease and think war is a condition of the past.
I liked your poem's form of using couplets and arranging them in eight stanzas and then ending with a couplet. The use of rhymes and form mirrors the idea that patterns repeat in life.
Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight.


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Re: That grows not old

Post by JASON » May 28th, 2015, 2:39 am

The flow is absolutely spot on -serious congratulations on the light !!
It seems to be built in to our dna - to have dominance over each other...



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