Un-falling

[icewings131]

This feels beautiful, the way it is
Your thoughts on my mind
My name on your lips
The flaws live in the story
Where you can’t see what I am
And I can’t see where you are
There is nothing that seems imperfect
But I hardly know perfection
Perfection runs in my thoughts
I sit here, not to be swept away
Just be taken
Hand in hand, barefoot on the wet streets
In the first drizzle of the season
I wait here, not for Prince Charming
Just my lanky hero
And you seem to promise me trust
But with every promise made
Is made a deal that it’ll be ripped apart
As Much as I want you to
Burst through the door and take me away,
I want to leave before I’m left
I am a susceptible creature
Easy to burn, easy to vanquish
I can afford no more pain than I have
So hold me close or leave when you can
Maybe I romanticize the tragedy
But the puzzlement tortures me
"Stay, please", I swallow the words
And it feels like tearing apart, breaking down
But I’m still picking the pieces
So maybe I’m strong enough
Love, even if a lie, is beautiful
And I’m used to shattered dreams
Time heals all wounds
But I am a susceptible creature
Easy to break
I have enough scars
I can’t shed more blood than I have
My mind is impervious to everything but you
But no more does time slow down
It all runs in my thoughts
But no more, in my veins, will I let you stay
The imperfection lies in me, irrevocable hoper.



I can't tell if the title makes sense, please let me know what it says to you. Thanks :)

[krake]

I really think a lot of people can associate with the message you delivered throughout this poem and I think this line captures that message: "I want to leave before I’m left". I feel like "Leave before I'm left" could be a great title for this piece. Well done.

[mangodog]

icewings - I think "Irrevocable Hoper" might be a good title.....
You sure took a lot of cuts and pain to write this....it must feels
somewhat good to get this all off your chest....


Drew

[Chelle]

oh i love this.....tragically lovely. I think it seems like they are fighting within themselves. They can't say no but they know that it's going to mean so much pain and heartbreak. And yet... you love whom you love.

[Jerryk]

Hello Icewings;
I wish I could say how much I enjoyed your fine poem, but it is too sad; actually, "bitter-sweet" is the word I'm looking for. The line, "I want to leave before I’m left" is perfect, considering the circumstances. Well, I'm going to say it after all: I enjoyed reading your poem. Wonderful!
Jerry

[evanlovett]

Beauty in despair! There were a lot of notes in this poem which felt personal to me. You created something I could relate to which only made it more enjoyable for me. Really liked the way you crafted this poem! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your work

[JASON]

That's the way we do it icewings!!
8 posts and a spotlight
Wonderful write filled to the brim with feeling.

[Lonnie]

Extraordinary piece of writing that sums up its message inno uncertain terms! One of the marks of a well-done poem, in my book!

[Ladywildalice]

Very lovely write, touched with honest introspection and laced with pain. Congratulations on a piece well presented and deserving of this honor.

[rupertpupkin]

Hi. Well done with this lovely write. A most deserving spotlight!

[karrie]

I was quite taken with this. Congrats on the well deserved spotlight!

[Josie]

Sometimes the brain has to help the heart make wise choices. Narrator says,
And you seem to promise me trust
But with every promise made
Is made a deal that it’ll be ripped apart

Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight.

[WriterMinuit]

This just about brought me to tears. Such a beautiful, skilful craft... The gentle words chosen were woven together into a powerful, hard-hitting message, yet you achieved this impact on us with such a soft, hopeless- but acceptant- tone. I think, as someone else said, anyone can read this and see themselves as the poem's speaker. I know I did, and thus you gave me a gift with this.
The line: 'Love, even if a lie, is beautiful' in particular touched my heart with its tragic simplicity.
I am truly glad this special poem did not escape the spotlight; certainly it will not escape my memory for a long time to come.
Many, many thanks, Eámonn.