Hiding (IK)

[TripleP]

Drowning in an imaginary sea
of humanity,
though sitting all alone;
quick gasps escape
exploding lungs –
I cannot wait
to bury my head
like an ostrich.

A stranger walks into
my tomb of creativity
desperately grasping for a lifeline;
buried beneath my fear
is the desire to hold out my hand –
instead
I pull my head
into my shell.

Unbidden images
fly into my inner web
of when he’d call me in
to share in his ugliness;
still dirty,
I wish
I could have hidden
back then.

[JASON]

Oh dear!!
I reckon most children do not have the ability to assess and deal with abuse.
This was really sad...
Good luck with the challenge dude

[win-der-mere]

There is something very honest here that tugs at the reader's heart.

[songofmeadow]

Retreating into an imaginary world is a way of 'coping' and avoiding an impossible reality, a harrowing read but bravely written! mx

[Dew]

Happy IK! (I said it anyway) I loved the comparison of the adults response to the child's non-response. It really exaggerates (by considering how much the speaker wishes for the child) how much the speaker must also wish opposite for the adult. There is an unkind reversal in actions and inactions that obscures what sticks out to me as even more important to notice: "he" should have kept his ugliness to himself and the stranger just needs to hold that hand out a little further, a little longer. Courageously candid and strikingly direct. A stunning first IK poem! - dew

[everhopeful]

The central repeated image of hiding in this one is depicted in two clever ways; one which emphasises the idea of hoping for the best like the ostrich, the other suggests a deep knowing that there is no hope and the worst is to come like the turtle.
The poem began with a very bold and powerful metaphor, one of solitude feeling like a burial among people. At first I thought this may be a agoraphobia piece, but the truth turns out to be so much darker and more destructive, letting the reader know why hiding is preferable to reliving the memories.
Welcome aboard the IK train!

[Alan]

I really like the tone in the first stanza. You're drowning, which isn't good, yet at the same time, you almost want to bury/drown yourself (your head at least). I like the idea of wanting to be hidden but only when it's done willingly.

[dornicks]

The picture your piece paints is a sad and painful one. You've covered a lot in three verses,leaving room for the imagination. A courageous write,which I thank you for sharing,

dornicks

[skyhawk432]

I've experienced this ugliness too, and hid in my own self made 'shells' so to speak, poetry perhaps being one of them.

An effective read? Indeed.

[allmirth]

Glad you have joined in the IK madness.

This is a strong and moving write. The reveal of the closing stanza gave me a jolt. The ugliness of this world can be incomprehensible to me. You never know what people suffer.

Thanks for sharing and good luck with IK.
Mirthy

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

this reminds me of a child that still wets his bed with urine and is a student in elementary school dealing with this issue. the child wants to hide in a corner embarrassed and the parent wants the child to come out for counseling and the child is scared to death. this poem could really be placed in tragedy section of the board as well.... what a great poem to read to give my first response in the (Ik) marathon. enjoyed....

victor

[Mike6]

I really liked the line about burying the head like an ostrich. I found that so unique and unexpected and it was really a sharp turn of line too. It transitioned sharply, the image was fresh and exciting ...I liked that. Anyways, I'm rambling. Good work!! Thanks for sharing. :)

[continuation]

Agree with all the comments above! Superb write and definitely a subject that is hard hitting. I love that the protection and level of introversion is shown as so severe and that the cause of it is not revealed until the end. It really revealed a deeper level of emotion by structuring that way and struck me, the reader, in such a powerful way. This was definitely deserving of spotlight! Thank you for sharing
Quin

[dornicks]

Congratulations on being Spotlighted for your I.K. piece,a deserving choice,

dornicks

[everhopeful]

Three very different poems in this week's spotlight, yet all equally as striking and deserving.
One of the things which struck me upon re-reading this was how desperately painful the solitude is for the speaker. Even their desire to reach out a hand to someone is too painful and risky to attempt. That in itself shows how their view of the world has been changed forever.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[songofmeadow]

Yes, congratulations, a second reading doesn't in any way diminish the impact mx

[Ladywildalice]

Congratulations, yet again, on the Spotlight. This piece drips with such pain and inner turmoil, yet is shared with such determination to let others see that there is more than one's personal struggle, it is shared by many others, sadly, but that knowledge can help the healing begin. Excellent job and much admired. Again, congrats.

[wsparks]

beautiful imagery on a tough and terrible subject. thanks or sharing and congratulations