A Technical Rejection (sonnet)

[Alan]

“With steel for bones,” she says, “I can’t deny
you’re strong.” “The strongest ever,” he admits.
“No brown,” she sees each telescopic eye.
“No glasses too” he snickers, “perfect fits.”

She strokes his arms, “These stitches. Do they hurt?”
“No, dear,” he smiles. “They’re sewn and glued upon
a sensor network.” “Like a tactile shirt?”
He tries to pull it, “But it’s always on.”

“I'm better now! But yet you don’t admire?”
“No, dear,” she says, “I liked you from the start.”
“My muscles now,” he adds, “replaced with wire.”
“Oh no!” she cries, “so what about your heart?”

He had improved himself but lost what’s real.
He didn’t care she left. He doesn’t feel.


Alan

[Dew]

that was an absolutely phenomenal ending to an already clever piece!!! The penultimate line was already a great expo and commentary on what happened...but that last line is a straight-up groin-kick. I absolutely loved this every time I read it. I've been coming back to it over the last couple days just letting it sink in. You were faithful to the form but you've kind of risen above it here and introduced your own style to it. that's how you know when you and a form are friends...when you don't have to change who you are to hang out with them! EXALT! - dew

[dwells]

A totally unique take on what we think makes us attractive to others Alan. A refreshing change of pace as well for the somnambulant reader of sonnets - to venture where few have dared. Cheers my friend and may we have another soon? - Dan the robot aficionado :)

[Mike6]

I loved the ending! Soo good! Very clever. The entire piece was clever. Quotations aren't often seen in sonnets, your use of dialogue was expertly deployed Great work. :) tHANSKS for sharing!!

[songofmeadow]

hehe, much of enjoyed the intricacies on display here. The couplet, particularly the last line open up a world beyond the robotic that I really appreciated. I also think the fragmented conversations realistic to the theme mx

[Mollie]

A wonderful sonnet, well constructed--technically--and emotionally. The couplet is poignant allowing the reader insight into the results of injury, ageing or disease: conditions we all experience at some stage in our journey. Thank you for posting; I read your sonnet three times and will do so again now.
Just did ...

[rupertpupkin]

Hi Alan. I thought that was an absolutely wonderful read. Great stuff and a super sci-fi vibe as well. Whats not to like? Very clever and unique poem. Well done.

[khurram]

Very, very good, Alan. Love the subtle humour. Enjoyable read.

[Forestdawn]

This so surreal. Although one would think a robotic android could have feelings, but alas they do not.
I really liked this Alan. It makes one feel sorry for it. Like the Tin man in The Wizard of Oz. Very well done. A great re-read.

Blessings

[rupertpupkin]

A most deserving spotlight for this wonderful write. Well done on the spotlight Alan.