Impasse

[jwesley]

Impasse

Sometimes . . .
sitting in front of the computer,
like this,
listening to music play,
fingers on the home-row
waiting
for the letters and the words
to take shape,

I sink deep into reverie -
even deeper -
into the bottom of my soul
of years and years ago,

and I find my eyes
looking at nothing,
my breath, shallow,
heart, slowing
in the yearnings of the years,
of the past;
of the could have beens
wish-have beens,
realities
that were, and were not.

And I hurt in ways,
so subtle,
there's really no pain,
an ache, so dull,
it's more a sigh,
of not being able
to breathe,

of birth waiting to happen
because . . .

because I couldn't have come
so far
in such a short
while.

Impasse.
No keys being struck,
No words being created.

Just memories
eating me
from the inside . . .

Oh, my,

what have I done,
with my life.

© wesley james beard, jr.

[Kivi]

Beautiful self expression. what you just described is the recipe for self-loathing and fear. don't throw yourself off this cliff.
thanks for sharing

[WriterMinuit]

I wholly agree with Kivi: absolutely beautiful. I thought the flow between the stanzas was effortlessly mastered; the continuation that preoccupies a large portion of our thinking of these torturing mini mid-life crises. I thought the continuing rhymes in each stanza aided this repetition of poetic concern and theme, and whilst of course your premise, message, and style were powerful, I thought the form and craft of this poem masterful. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and I could relate to it with empathy. It proved some comfort to me, as I realized I wasn't the only one half wondering what the hell I'm doing, or what I could have done differently etc.

[dwells]

Yow! - J.
What a beautiful epiphany of a shared finality come home to roost my friend. From getting ready to touch your muse, to understanding a life misused maybe - don't we all do that just to torture ourselves in the quit hours. Superb if sadly stated sentiments; cheers for this unforgettable rendering that sneaks up on the unsuspecting reader! - Dan

[Soulless_Writer]

Its a very well-written piece of words. I enjoyed the ease it gave yet subtly highlighting the powerful state of self hate (as already mentioned above.)
nice(:

[Ladywildalice]

James. Many of us want to write, need to write, are driven to write. Some are passable, some are struggling and reaching but unable to be cohesive, and some sparkle and gleam in the brilliance of their words. Some are poor but will get better with practice and encouragement. Some are fair and enjoyable but not memorable. Then there are some whose words and phrases nail themselves to our framework and become part of us. You are one of the latter, my friend. This is so eloquent, so telling of a moment clarion, when all became clear, for the briefest of moments, and left us breathless as we delved into our own self-examination. Truly enjoyable and very enviable. Congratulations James on this wonderful write and Spotlight.