a dampened cry

[mangodog]

• in this
  downpour
  a deafening stillness
  the thunder only deepens
  trees bend like praying monks
  each uncountable drop drums once
  their music a chanted mantra
  the thirsty drink
  yet make no
  drinking
  sound
  one dry bird
  haunts the soaked silence
  her flute of loneliness
  the sun will
  never
  hear

[davidifox]

mangodog,
I like this. I do feel sorry for the poor bird.
~davidifox

[LynneF]

Haunting yet beautiful. You can feel the rain in the air.
The comparison of trees to monks is interesting, I like it though, especially as the mantra they follow is the rain drop itself.
A very good interpretation of the complete stillness of a thunderstorm.
The song of the one bird just accentuates the loneliness.

[mangodog]

thank you David and Lynne....Lynne - you picked up on the theme that stillness in a thunderstorm
and David - yes the loneliness as well.....


drew

[DreamerSeeker]

Poor bird. Great write, keep on writing! :)

[CarolynKleefeld]

Beautifully composed, powerful use of imagery and skillfully written-- and others have noted, it certainly has a haunting quality as well. Much enjoyed.

[Jim]

Mango man your work touches my very soul.
This should be in the spotlight

[Ladywildalice]

congratulations on the spotlight Mango.......Yes, indeed, silence can scream more obscenities, and burst more eardrums than can a drunk on Saturday night whose truck is stuck in the mud beneath a raging thunderstorm. I really liked the abbreviated form, it was much more sharp, thumped home each line if that makes sense, the imagery was spot on. Great job. Thanks.

[Jovel320]

"her flute of loneliness
the sun will
never
hear"
This was striking in your work and I really enjoyed it!! Congrats on the spotlight!!
Jovel

[tangerinepie]

Raw and poignant with great metaphors.There is nothing quite like the whoosh of sweeping branches during a storm, and the sudden hush of bird song.Perfect write for the spotlight..Tangie..

[Rosella]

Congrats on spotlight. It's so raw... this is written in new form had strike out to home.

[Josie]

My favorite part:
one dry bird
haunts the soaked silence
her flute of loneliness
the sun will
never
hear

Congratulations on the TPS spotlight.