Wind Whispered Life

[sophiah]

Where will my bones of dust be blown to now?
To sacred Poetry's wind-whispered words
whose crimson blood-ink, keeps my pen beating.
Or will it be to the demon voices
That carved twig arms and painted my voice red;
Who tore the meat to unveil battered bones,
Then spat me out; a life's starved sticks and stones
Did tear my little heart in two - like words:
The red poison that seized life by the throat
and cast me from childhood's rose-tinted rooms.
My vacant eyes peer through the white windows,
Into a world they can no longer see.

What am I, who World's road has discarded?
A sleepless corpse beneath a sky bereft,
for youth's once guardian stars dream without me -
the leaf that fell from Oak's protecting arms
and now crumbles to dust beneath your feet.
But will wind whispers call me back to you -
The temple of lost souls that life burnt out?

*not my best, but really needed to just 'write' today for an emotional outlet - it's a 'semi-OM', but I did go over it after I'd done the 'raw write'. Also know it's quite dark, but for me the motivation ad overall theme was sadness.

[Dew]

You gently rent yourself into romantic gore before my very mind. This was ruthless in it's insistence on the gothic horror of your heart's suffering. So sweetly suffered for us to feel along with, and adore and abhor with you. Very lovely, passionate writing...thorny emote...loved it...Dew

[moe]

The pangs of sorrow, disappointment and regret are all plainly seen in this posting.
I and countless others have no doubt "been there" what you decribe is all too true but it goes with life It is wonderful to be shielded from hurt both corporal and emotional but pain is part of growing up.
as the excercise gurus say "no pain, no gain."

[Whiskurz]

I loved this

What am I, who World's road has discarded?
A sleepless corpse beneath a sky bereft,
for youth's once guardian stars dream without me -
the leaf that fell from Oak's protecting arms
and now crumbles to dust beneath your feet.
But will wind whispers call me back to you -
The temple of lost souls that life burnt out?

Great write......... Whisk

[Coapachy]

Hi Soph. My, how you have come on! This is wonderfully written. The imagery may be desolate and macabre, but it is rich in poetic talent; your diction is stunning. I know when a poem is good, I read it more than once............I am still reading. Wonderful.

Dave

[evanlovett]

I loved the metaphor you placed on childhood and innocence and transformed it into something inpalpable. You highlight the transposing phases of our existence with a brush tinged in melancholy ~~ I absolutely enjoyed this. Good write as always Soph

[chowzrus]

Sophie, you young, wonderful poet - so much more heartbreak and sorrow to live - so much more your eyes
have in store for your heart - You have much going for you - keep being who your heart is -

Love, Bill

[musie]

Not your best?! WoW! I think it's one of your best and off the cuff at first...This is just AWESOME in my book my friend....there is so much that is wonderful about this I cannot tell you...There is so much about this piece that I love, but I will point out part of my favorite:

"What am I, who World's road has discarded?
A sleepless corpse beneath a sky bereft,
for youth's once guardian stars dream without me -
the leaf that fell from Oak's protecting arms
and now crumbles to dust beneath your feet."

Just great in the imagery word behavior, metaphor and raw emotion's expressed....EXALT! Musie

[ladymaybebaby]

It's always funny how when we are not quite on board with a piece we wrote and everyone who reads it sees the greatness in it! I think we have another case of that right here. Sometimes those just " I have to write " pieces are so very surprising to their authors. This shows the element of youth which I love! You masterfully weaved it into the piece at just the right place. Then when you used the mention of youth on the darker lines, ouch! It was a haunting write that made for a lovely read! -LMB xoxo

[godsplat]

Hello sophiah, this poem had the feel as if it came from a soul that has lived many lives, very deep, very rich in its essence, outstanding work!

[Jahaliel]

Wow Sophs,this was such a beautifully crafted piece with power to the images and it felt to me both dark and sad, I could really identify with this. Congrats on the Spotlight

[musie]

Somehow I knew this would end up in the Spotlight...Congratulation's Sophia! A piece definitely worthy of the Spot! Musie

[Sasha]

I echo Musie about 'One of your best'! Captivating imagery in this, of which I'm used to in your writings and am so glad this made it to the Spotlight.
The emotions, images , and how this was penned, all as whole made this piece an impressive one and shows the higher level your pen has reached, I'm bookmarking this for sure!
Congratulation Sophs!!

Sash
xx

[everhopeful]

Sometimes the 'semi OM' approach can work wonders when you're in the zone - I think you must have been for this one, because it is marvellous. The rhythm is impressive, but the pacing of the narrative is even more so. It feels natural in terms of delivery, but inherently poetic in terms of depth of content. A fantastic poem from start to finish, without doubt, but I have to highlight the second stanza as being particularly breathtaking.
Congratulations on a truly deserved spotlight.

[newlight]

very dark and very beutifully done xx emma

[Royston Vasey]

Hi sophiah,

not my best,...

Well, I enjoyed your blank verse poem.


Go well.

[ladymaybebaby]

Yay Soph!

Not my best? I loved it the first time I read it! Congratulations on the spotlight, you deserve it!

-Robin xoxo

[RiverRose]

What a breathtaking poem! It is said above that the poem feels natural, and I agree. Nothing about it is forced, and I love that. This is a powerful and poignant poem, and it definitely deserves the Spotlight!
River

[Mazrocon]

Very dark and gruesome... but in a strange way beautiful as well. I can definitely see the rawness, for me off-the-top-of-your-head type poetry can be some of the most intriguing, for you write to appease your thoughts and feelings in the moment (rather than appeasing those who are reading it).

Some real stellar lines here Soph... for some reason this one stood out to me.

"the leaf that fell from Oak's protecting arms"

It makes me think of a mothers love and how her baby just slipped from her arms. It was inevitable, yes... but the pain still remains.

Great musings and great use of language... congratulations on the spotlight!

~TIMOTHY~

[allmirth]

Raw, intense and poetically compelling. Congratulations on the deserved spotlight!

Thanks for sharing.

Mirth