Elephant Skin

[testove]

Charged energy light
sorrows second son
come to life with new green seeds
sprouting incomprehensibility

I am a house with no chimneys
brick and mortar void
choking smoke runs in my lungs
like marathon men

I am dying still living even though
true consequence succinct in doubt
illuminating in darkness it shines
a coin in the flashlight beam

I feel the cold soil in December
the water holds time still, ice
thick as elephant skin, just as gray
it coats my center, dampens my actions

[Sasha]

A powerful piece of work!
I very much like the imagery here, and the second stanza stood out the most for me, especially this line: "choking smoke runs in my lungs". Everything about this poem feels so strong, and I like that; emotions mixed with effective images, altogether presented a great poem.
Great job!

-Sash

[Versus]

Well, elephant is a powerful animal, although not quite aware of its strength. If it were, we'd be in trouble, not just Indians at Holi (festival). I believe, one who doubts his own strength is more like an elephant, that is to say, big, but also a bit shy. Love your work.

[miharu]

This piece has such a sense of confinement and containment, almost as if the Speaker is bottling up these feelings deep inside to prevent any kind of reaction. Starting the poem with confused blossoms was a great way to ease the reader into the Speaker's turmoil.

[jsol]

i love the line "a coin in the flashlight beam"

it evokes such dislocation and yearning