Fly, just not to the sun.
Your wings are not real,
right now you can't run.
Listen to my voice,
to foolish old me.
Either make it to the other side.......
or give your name to the sea.
Icarus
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courtly
- Regular Member
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Re: Icarus
A nice concept for a poem, drawing on the precariousness of Icarus' wings.
The opening line is nice, however it's slightly unclear from the tone that it is meant to prohibit doing that. It's also unclear why they are trying to 'run.' Also, 'foolish old me' is presumably meant in a slightly non-serious manner, however in this poem's context it's not clear that it isn't literal.
The opening line is nice, however it's slightly unclear from the tone that it is meant to prohibit doing that. It's also unclear why they are trying to 'run.' Also, 'foolish old me' is presumably meant in a slightly non-serious manner, however in this poem's context it's not clear that it isn't literal.
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Zaylane
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Re: Icarus
Ah, I see. Thank you for your valid input. I'll take it into consideration. Thanks againcourtly wrote: ↑April 4th, 2018, 4:59 amA nice concept for a poem, drawing on the precariousness of Icarus' wings.
The opening line is nice, however it's slightly unclear from the tone that it is meant to prohibit doing that. It's also unclear why they are trying to 'run.' Also, 'foolish old me' is presumably meant in a slightly non-serious manner, however in this poem's context it's not clear that it isn't literal.
Give me a paper,
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.
and give me a pen,
I'll write justification,
I'll need it as well.
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miharu
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Re: Icarus
I think you did well to capture the tension and suspense of the original story here is so few words. The last line gives me imagery of some kind of watery calling card, an ominous exchange...
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QuietAstronomer
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Re: Icarus
Zay -
Loved the brevity and scope of the tale included in this piece.
Read as a tale of coming of age.
Interpreted as a draco learning to fly, or die.
Also as a human learning to strike out on their own and succeed or fail, to survive.
Well done.
Loved the brevity and scope of the tale included in this piece.
Read as a tale of coming of age.
Interpreted as a draco learning to fly, or die.
Also as a human learning to strike out on their own and succeed or fail, to survive.
Well done.
Three for one will get it done.
(Three Comments per Post kidlets.)
(Three Comments per Post kidlets.)
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honeysuckle
- Regular Member
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Re: Icarus
Wonderfully captured in just a few lines. I especially enjoying the ominous end note. Well done and congratulations on the spotlight!
h.
h.
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Josie
- Regular Member
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- Joined:May 27th, 2012, 10:31 pm
Re: Icarus
What a clever way to tell a member of your own family or a close friend to slow down and not rush headlong into what can be conceived as a dangerous situation. The Narrator knows that he or she may be regarded as a foolish old person, so all that can be done is to give warning. The dire consequence could be as devastating as the last line. Congratulations on the spotlight.
