Guilt

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
Post Reply
cbrown
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:25
Joined:October 22nd, 2018, 8:22 pm
Guilt

Post by cbrown » October 30th, 2018, 3:49 am

How I wish I had back that moment
That I passed up to speak
When I last saw you from a distance
And chose not to meet
Petty differences they were
Compared to this circumstance
But nothing can change it
For I passed up the chance
Never considering you would choose
To end your life and go on beyond
Now it is over
And nothing can be done
Many years have now passed
But I’ll never relent
The feeling of guilt
The time we could’ve spent
If only I would’ve reached out
To say I love you and all is OK
Would you still be here
To see your son today
I miss you my mother
I pray in heaven you know
That I never stopped loving you
To you my life I owe



eploscik
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:657
Joined:January 4th, 2016, 4:42 pm

Re: Guilt

Post by eploscik » December 9th, 2018, 8:40 pm

...guilt and shame,they fester like a motherf..ckin disease...and though people tell you to forgive yourself, one can never truly forget, unless you don't have a conscience, which you have as evidenced by the words in the poem...I liked it very much, though very sad...



User avatar
jsol
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:684
Joined:November 7th, 2012, 7:49 am
Location:atx

Re: Guilt

Post by jsol » December 10th, 2018, 10:40 pm

right about the 10th line this poem takes a vivid and complex turn__which serves to greatly heighten the feelings of guilt this poem is built around__to a fever pitch



User avatar
Josie
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:770
Joined:May 27th, 2012, 10:31 pm

Re: Guilt

Post by Josie » December 12th, 2018, 11:55 pm

This poem was very dramatic and written with clarity of expression. You are a standout when it comes to communicating. So often I feel like I need to interview the poet to understand what the poem was about. Although I missed the lack of periods and question marks, I actually think each line beginning with a capital letter was a technique helping the reader focus on meaning. You sprinkled in a few end rhymes like circumstance/chance, relent/spent, OK/today, and know/ owe that helped guide the reader,too. The title was another technique that helped the reader focus on the writer's purpose. Thank you for sharing.


Image Image

cbrown
Regular Member
Regular Member
Posts:25
Joined:October 22nd, 2018, 8:22 pm

Re: Guilt

Post by cbrown » December 13th, 2018, 7:20 am

Thank you for such a great critique. This is a more personal poem for me as I usually don’t even discuss the tragedy of my mother taking her life. It has been 33 years now and we both were struggling with relationship issues. The last day I saw her we were about 50 feet apart and I chose not go up and speak due to the troubles we were having. I would walk a hundred miles now if I had the chance over.



Liquid Bear
Elite Member
Elite Member
Posts:2290
Joined:May 13th, 2014, 9:14 am

Re: Guilt

Post by Liquid Bear » December 25th, 2018, 5:55 am

This poem touched me. The pain and guilt of not choosing to put pride and anger aside is quite palpable, something I can partly relate to. I hope the experience of writing and sharing this poem has been a cathartic one for you.

Bear


Image Image

"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

rupertpupkin
Moderator
Moderator
Posts:3342
Joined:April 19th, 2012, 10:03 am

Re: Guilt

Post by rupertpupkin » August 5th, 2019, 1:26 pm

Lovely write . Honest and heart breaking. Well constructed and a sad joy to read. Well done on a most deserving spotlight.


ImageImage

Post Reply