Surprise, we're doomed

[oortcloudtwo]

Forty-seven dead folk arranged in a row
Ninety-four granite names arranged in a row
Not a schedule here among them, not a friendly face to know
Forty-seven dead folk arranged in a row

Some worked in high finance and others were our neighbors
Some loved Tuesday afternoons and random coffee flavors
I rode the bus with one of them til Churchill street and Tabors
But now it's plain as day that she has no place left to go

The shriek of "seize the day" bouncing round and round my head
Yet I never really notice every moment's loosened thread
We put off til tomorrow til the day we wake up dead
The only seeming constant is our fear of what's below

You are one of seven billion and there's billions that precede
They lived and loved and hoped and died when you were but a seed
How many still remembered for their good or for their greed?
How many just a photograph that's barely apropos?

Everything you'll ever be is getting swept away
Your friends are getting older and they never want to play
Family is adding to the world of yesterday
Love and sex and loneliness--a flashing cosmic ray
Pictures on the mantel going yellow, getting gray
Your children ask about them and you're not sure what to say
The doctor says a year or so, it could be any day
And there's nothing you can do about it, nothing you can pray
The universe is tearing, only you can see the fray

But that's all a little scary so we'll get back to the show
I'll see you on the morning when they plant you in a row

[Dew]

I loved the structure and rhythm to this...and the rhymes were wonderful...I loved the effect...how they contributed to the inevitability of the outcome! Every line was a small statement of it's own...this could stand whole or as pieces...too many good things I can say about this. It is brilliant! - Dew

[Patdolan83]

Absolutely brilliant in my opinion...thank you for sharing

[jeff1790]

I like your dedication to the subject, and slow but increasing emotion.

[nortan223]

Wonderful rhyming sequences that keep your eye moving from end to beginning. It created a sense of the perpetual recycling of life, regardless of it's outcomes. Doom without gloom was my impression - hope I'm right????
Congratulations on getting the spotlight.

[songofmeadow]

As I read I picked up a shanty type rhythm that in itself reflected an inevitably on an epic scale, as a downbeat, upbeat poem (?) this is affecting on the reader, well deserved spotlight!

[inflames]

Congrats on your spotlight! This is a beautiful write; so elegantly crafted. Well done!

[Royston Vasey]

Hi oortcloudtwo,

Congrats on the spotlight. Your 'Surprise, we're doomed' has a lovely rhythm to it, and I liked your 'life is transient' proposition.

Thanks for the read.


Go well.

[karrie]

Congrats on the well deserved spotlight! This is wonderful

[AliMariesDad]

Spectacular job taking a reference to specific tragedy and then using that to encompass all of humankind. Well deserved.
AMD

[everhopeful]

Cynical, yes, but there's nothing wrong with that; while there may be a granite-tough edge to this one, the spoken rhythm and lyricism make it flow like a dream, and as resounding and brutal as the content may be there's something grounded about this which resonates with me.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[Cludgie]

A brilliant punchy piece, very well written. Well done.

[Lonnie]

A very deserving piece indeed! Well-crafted, memorable, and chocked full of wisdom!

[JASON]

carpe diem- live while there is today....great work-well done!!

[dornicks]

An impressive piece of writing,well formed and rhymed. It's almost as if you're saying everything gets washed away by the tides of time. Thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

[knpoet]

I loved the black humor here, the light take on a rather weighty subject; it made for a fantastic, rather thrilling, absolutely gut-wrenching, read. Congrats on the Spotlight, the Powers-That-Be chose well!

Kathy

[scapegrace]

The inevitability of this poem and the subject matter is haunting. None of us are exempt and when death touches us no matter how obscure or vague, it hits home that death is indiscriminate. It takes the wealthy, the poverty stricken, the strong and the meek alike, the spiteful, the mean spirited and the gentle souls. None can escape it, and we are forced to stare into the abyss of our own mortality. So in short, a provocative read and a well deserved spotlight. :) I loved the personal touches in the second and last stanza; "Some loved Tuesday afternoons and random coffee flavors I rode the bus with one of them til Churchill street and Tabors" and "Pictures on the mantel going yellow, getting gray Your children ask about them and you're not sure what to say" Excellent work once again.

[flyboy]

Mike, this is stellar work man. I strangely love the fatalism throughout the whole piece. Not just because its true, but because it seems to make the poem itself seem truer. If that made any sense. The flow and rhyme of this entire poem were both just about perfect. It was super easy to read, and I enjoyed the hell out of it.

Congrats on the Spotlight!

[Nakedpoet]

Congrats on the spotlight, always a pleasure to read your works.