"Hyalescent"

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 16th, 2013, 6:45 pm

Hyalescent
Tangerinepie

No visible extrication from this oubliette,
Where I wither away from whence I was robust.
Now vilified and classified as unfeeling marionette,
I am as transparent as glass...soon invisible.
I do not seek pity from your denigrating vignette,
My misfortune... to love you as never one before.
Briefly--the macrocosm flared,now an expiring briquette.
You denied my sincerity out of your own guilt.
Let death be the mediator in this macabre historiette.

Post by **QuietAstronomer** » January 16th, 2013, 6:50 pm

Wow, tangie.
This is a super piece!
You rock.

Two snaps.

QA

Post by **songofmeadow** » January 17th, 2013, 12:43 am

Love the rhyme ends, well done for that! Without giving much detail you show us the dark and damaging side of a relationship. The victim/subject slowly withdrawing is handled with aplomb, tragic, meadow

Post by **robema1** » January 17th, 2013, 6:26 am

I liked it too, the consequence and the glaring before that. Is building up well too.

Cheers Rob

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 17th, 2013, 11:42 am

QuietAstronomer
Songofmeadow
Robemal
DJK.

Many thanks to you all for your kind comments.This comes from a dark shadowed space that I am trying to leave behind.Your support is so appreciated..TY..Tangie..

Post by **ladylilith** » January 17th, 2013, 11:52 am

I totally commented on this yesterday... But when I hit send you'd removed it! *sobs*

I originally said something like this: I absolutely love how you have utilised language in this piece. Such a strong and vobrant vocabulary goes to work on the redaer's imagination and it is quite the excercise considering some of the words aren't necessarily classed as 'everyday'.

Now, last time I read this I oculdn't se the picture and I hoped that it would enhance on the reading experience and it truly does. A quiet kind of Darkness piece, if that makes sense? That sings loudly in my ears (Gee.. I'm seriously waffling..)

I really dig this. Superb work!

Lily^^

Post by **moe** » January 17th, 2013, 12:02 pm

Tangie Your command of language is outstanding and the subject of this piece while dark is exquistely lighted by your use of the bonne mots you have chosen to use.

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 17th, 2013, 6:26 pm

Ladylilith..So sorry I bleeped you out, I had a hard time with getting the photo on for some reason, so kept going back to edit.I am so glad you liked this poem and appreciate your kind comments..Tangie..

Moe..Thank you kind sir for your lovely comment and taking time to read this poem..Tangie..

Post by **Whiskurz** » January 18th, 2013, 7:31 am

Your diction in this piece is priceless.....Bravo my friend.....Whisk

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 18th, 2013, 1:50 pm

Thanks Whiskurz for reading and the nice comment, always appreciated..TY..Tangie..

Post by **everhopeful** » January 18th, 2013, 1:57 pm

I checked this one out after hearing a glowing reference to it, and it didn't disappoint! The diction, as with all of your poetry, is excellent. However, for me what took this to the next level is the utterly brilliant rhyming choices! With the confined imagery to the fore, this is a distinctive darkness poem with a lot of flair, well penned :)

Post by **inflames** » January 18th, 2013, 2:46 pm

Wow this is just beautiful! Awesome work. Fantastic piece. I'm really glad to I got a chance to read this. Thanks for sharing.

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 18th, 2013, 4:52 pm

Everhopeful..I am at a loss really for words, but I think when one has been completely broken, something inspirational can come of it.Then time to rebuild with the help of dear friends here, who share and understand grief..Thank you ever so much for your insight and kind comments..Tangie..

Deepest gratitude Inflames for reading this poem.Your support is deeply appreciated..Heartfelt thanks..Tangie..

Post by **sicksoul** » January 19th, 2013, 7:11 am

I don't know how I hadn't seen this piece sooner, but I'm so glad I happened to catch it. I loved the language, the word choice, and the image made the feel of the piece all that much more bleak. Absolutely brilliant writing tangie. Also love saying the word "oubliette" out loud, so I ended up reading this out loud and it sounds amazing. Kudo's girl!

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 19th, 2013, 1:29 pm

sicksoul..Thank you for dropping by to read this poem, and for the great comments..Very nice..Tangie..

Post by **flux** » January 24th, 2013, 1:54 pm

Love the inventive rhyming here, and the image you present us with is striking. An intriguing poem.

Post by **tangerinepie** » January 26th, 2013, 7:56 am

Thank you Flux for the gracious comment and taking time to read me.It means so much..Tangie..

Post by **Mr Goth** » May 20th, 2013, 10:53 am

I can see why this is one is in darkness but filled with immense sadness you do show us how deep a woman heart is when she expresses the hurt, anger, and darkness, from her soul places where most dont tread just keep looking toward more brighter skies and now I know why darkness is a dessert for you

Best wishes

Mr Goth

Post by **Sasha** » May 20th, 2013, 2:31 pm

Striking use of language, and striking rhyme choice!!
This is such an eloquent piece of writing; a beautiful blend of darkness and melancholy in a harmonic way, and again, I was taken by the ending rhyme!

Stunning dark work, Tangie! Always a pleasure to read you.

Sash

Post by **dornicks** » May 20th, 2013, 6:54 pm

The vocabulary and composition are quite outstanding,as is the rhyming. Thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

"Hyalescent"

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