My mother gardens in her favourite coat (IK)

[songofmeadow]

It's dark but mother's out there on her knees
shovelling damp earth with a ruthless trowel,
or beheading what is dead along the borders
in volatile swoops. Her coat is pale, angora-
cashmere mix, a recent gift, she doesn't speak
when father's off on one, just disappears
in dark foliage, waits until the thunder dissipates.
She's caught beside a rose, thorns have snagged
the coat, hooked expensive threads with barbs,
her upturned face is captured by the moon, a tear
escapes, absorbed into the softness of her coat.

[things_i_wrote]

this felt like a tragic story ..the title saying it in an irony way
i liked how you describe the situation and the picture at the start you really could pen
it on the reader's mind ..and the end was so neat
another nice IK)

thanks for sharing

cheers..TIW

[AoR]

I agree. It feels so tragic. Great title, really poignant and striking. The visuals are grim and visceral in tone and has that tongue-and-cheek wryness. You paint a picture and give so much with less, an amazing feat I cannot hope to contest. I love the concise, neat and orderly feel to this while it reads and breathes a story of quiet... mm rage might be too strong a word, but something akin to it. Lovely piece!

[Dew]

A thorn frays the soft edge of an elegant coat...perfect metaphor for the brazen uncare required to take an innocent, gentle soul and peirce her with his crass indescretions and probable trauma. The poetry was lovely, but my favorite was the layered understanding of unecessary and unjust injury...beautiful! - dew

[Balustrade]

There are too many poignant contrasts throughout your lines that drive your sentiments across hard into the reader's heart.

[ladymaybebaby]

Loved the use of 'ruthless' and 'beheading'... just turbulent words, yet you've somehow managed to also give the reader 'beautiful' as well. Don't know how you do that so elegantly... I'm just happy I can sit back and enjoy!

I love, love how you've penned this one! This is a bookmarked poem for sure... I will be thinking of this one all day, so well done!

-R
xoxo

[Mike6]

I also noticed 'ruthless' and 'beheading' those were words that really solidified the anger for me. It's a different kind of anger, I find myself saying that a lot on this board. This one seems to be routed in tragedy/sadness. I really liked this poem meadow it's image-driven and steered by narrative. Great work!! Love reading you. :)

[dwells]

Reserved in the violence of perpetual heartbreak, and mothers are like that too. Another reason to foreswear the demon rum; lest we become a bum. A stark image in a saintly setting, and a forever reminder when the times are kinder. Cheers SoM!

[everhopeful]

Doh, could have sworn I commented this one yesterday, I definitely read it and was moved by it.
This isn't a board I'm accustomed to seeing you in, but I'm really pleased that you've brought your usual eloquence and imagery to the table. The scene is beautifully captured too, there's something desperately sad about it, but also incredibly crafted; firstly because we can see the subject's anger reflected in their actions, but also because the speaker's anger at what she can see unfold before her eyes. Without wavering from description that anger still hit me like a brick, no more so than in the poignant closing lines. I can't quite explain why, but there's something about the thorn snagging her new coat which really catches in my throat. The subject's willingness to ruin it by gardening only seems indicative of her auto-pilot retreat to the garden.
It's a rarity for anger poetry to be so beautifully written, but coming from your pen it doesn't surprise me a jot.

[ladylilith]

There is a real touch of class to this piece, an elegance, that isn't often explored in this board- because the emotions are often volatile and explosive.. but here, it's like taking a one-down position. Or more, a different way of perceiving a situation. While he goes 'off on one' she takes to the trowel and offers her emotion to the earth. It's a really engaging scene. Poignant too.

There is a palpable subtlety to this that I truly admire. It's soft, as much as it is scary- if that makes sense?

Smooth. And superb.

Lily^^

[Baywriter]

I feel like I already commented on this, probably because I've read it quite a few times now. Anyway, I apologize for my delay in getting to it. I think this is a fine piece, meadow. I love the scene you've created here, and as Lily mentioned, the subtlety of this piece is great. Definitely my favorite thing about it. The softness of this beautiful coat seems to represent the mother's beauty and softness. The way you describe the coat becoming ruined with thorns and tears (with anger and sadness) was cool. I loved the final image of the tear being absorbed into the coat, like what was once beautiful has become tainted. What was once softness has become anger. Again, it's really cool and very well-composed. One of my favs.

Bay

[dornicks]

I can almost see the situation you describe when I think back to childhood. Beautifully phrased with a hint of sadness. Thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

[Mizuchi]

Many poems in The Anger spend quite a few lines addressing the recipient or otherwise detailing how the author was wronged. I love how you did things differently, mentioning the cause of anger in an almost off-handed remark. The coat is a beautiful metaphor, perhaps surprisingly since...well, I didn't suspect a coat to have so much metaphorical potential. Great stuff!

[Rainman]

This is excellent. The poem implies a vivid back story in just a few essential lines, with a real clarity.
There's something quite English about it, with the gardening, and the mute defiance. I'd say it compares very favourably with some of Stevie Smith's poems.
It also brought to mind that quote about living lives of 'quiet desperation', by Thoreau (or someone).
I rate this piece highly.

[Mizzy]

You posted this in the Anger and yet
its suppressed in the poem.
To me the coat is the metaphor
for the anger being covered up....
The thorns show that all is not perfect.
There's a tangible sadness about this.
Superbly written !

Regards.......Mick.

[JASON]

Your work is timeless old friend -
much better now than when I read it the first time around!!
The first 2 words describe more than just the time of day,
the sombre mood filters through to the end...
missed you a lot
most of what you write belongs here anyway.

[Lonnie]

Good metaphorical piece! Lots of latent power and intensity that lurk between the lines! Congratulations on this one!

[jim_moonan]

Beautifully described moment that says so much about the lives of your mother and her husband. Words and phrases such as "ruthless trowel", "beheading what is dead", "volatile swoops" - all give this work a tension that is palpable. It is dark in the garden. Beautiful piece of work.

[Ladywildalice]

First, congratulation son the spotlight for this very lovely, tragic and sad presentation of talent, indeed.

Having had been, many years ago, in a very destructive relationship, I perceive the coat and the reason for its being worn in such a careless manner as the underlying statement of Mom's pain. You have a relationship with someone you love who treats you very badly. After the battle, in an effort to smooth guilt and attempt to make amends, a gift (always a gift), this time a lovely cashmere coat. If it had been the last and final battle, I'm sure the coat would be a treasured sentiment. But as the battle rages yet again, and the pain is revisited in more "thunderous" moments, the heart finally must accept what the mind can not....that it isn't going to change. So show the object offered in appeasement that it is now worthless and means as little as if it were a rag. Very heart wrenching. Congrats again.

[Josie]

Every time I see a woman gardening in the late evening, I am going to think of your poem. The coat that should have made her feel like a queen took on the dirt of the garden. It became frayed by thorns and stained with a tear from her eyes. This was beautifully written .