Atop the clouds (sonnet-inspired)

[Alan]

Atop the clouds, above the waves, she sees
a monochrome of blue from black to white.
Refreshing clean and clear, a chilling breeze
can choke, and frost can ice her lashes tight.

She folds her clammy body in a squeeze
and shivers for the cold and stillness bite.
She rubs her face but doesn’t yet appease
her blood to make her paleness rosy bright.

So crouching down, she crawls the edge with ease,
to reach the brink. She's lucky that she’s light.
As dew is dampening her hands and knees,
she sweats to think of falling from this height.

Although the clouds uncomfortably tease
she wraps herself in blanket haze and flees,
recoiling back, to sleep she cannot fight.
She dreams of warmth and dryness in her plight.

Alan

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So this originally started out as an experiment to do a sonnet with only 2 types of end rhymes. So all the quatrains are ABAB and the end is AABB.

[Alan]

thanks hoboelite :D ... the meter and rhymes are sonnet inspired so, though it's not a legit sonnet, it wouldn't have existed without their quatrains and that iambic pentameter. For the ending, I just doubled up on the couplets.

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(edit... first time since becoming a mod did I quote my own post rather than edit )

[Jerryk]

Nice one, Alan;
except for the last quatrain, your write follows the Shakespearean sonnet pattern. I think this is a great variation on the master's sonnet form. It would pass as a contemporary sonnet. Much liked,
Jerry

[astroannie]

Deft rhyming. Nicely wrought.

[tangerinepie]

I was taken with the theme and how one might feel hovering within a cloud.I thought the third verse inventive, and how one might spend a lifetime watching cloud formations..Nice..Tangie