Unraveling

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scribble
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Unraveling

Post by scribble » May 4th, 2016, 8:08 pm

With every glance
and each hurried exchange
you pull one more thread--
this one a secret part of me
I intended to bury
somewhere no one would ever find it;
a glaring red that gives away
the color of my lying heart.
Next, blue, my serenity,
something unraveled by your smiles,
the pauses between what you say,
and the puzzle of your intent
as I hang on your words and glances
each one swiftly, surely
unstuffing the upholstery of my soul.

Those threads had been carefully woven
the pattern was simple,
a plain but functional tapestry
of years and memories,
hardening in their tight stitches
into something remarkably like
brick and mortar.

But as you saunter away
grinning
I stand there feeling empty
as you trail behind you
the tangle of my technicolor

ruin.
Last edited by scribble on June 2nd, 2016, 2:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.


"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

Sarah Williams

Kivi
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Re: Unraveling

Post by Kivi » May 5th, 2016, 9:37 am

It's amazing that how sometimes we feel so vulnerable in the presence of whom we love. almost like they can see through you. every word, every string of heart. A lying heart is hard to live with after that.
Very cathartic, thank you so much for that



JASON
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Re: Unraveling

Post by JASON » May 10th, 2016, 7:29 am

fantastic work - I am a serious fan :thumb:
The pause between the last 2 words ends things off perfectly...
A threadbare garment is a wonderful metaphor for a relationship
that didn't work...
upholstery of the soul, I think, was my favourite part.



dwells
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Re: Unraveling

Post by dwells » May 13th, 2016, 4:45 pm

Ooh Scrib - this was awesome, and such an appropriate extended metaphor to flesh-out in vivid verse too!
A well-developed and studious approach to an affair of the heart - cheers and nicely done!! - Dan


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scribble
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Re: Unraveling

Post by scribble » May 13th, 2016, 5:46 pm

Dan has figured me out! At least it's brought my inner poet back! I've even stated writing sonnets, God save us all, haha


"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

Sarah Williams

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tangerinepie
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Re: Unraveling

Post by tangerinepie » June 17th, 2016, 6:56 pm

The metaphors in your poem were fantastic, they breathed such life into the overall theme, and it made me think of the ups and downs in relationships, and really how little we know ourselves at times.There was a dreamy quality in your choice of words...such a memorable spotlight piece...TY...Tangie...


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scribble
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Re: Unraveling

Post by scribble » June 17th, 2016, 8:11 pm

Thank you Tangie, I'm honored to have been chosen!


"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

Sarah Williams

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