A Fire's Song, sonnet

[songofmeadow]

If I should die before the dawn has come
then know my embers faded out of choice.
I drank the midnight air when I was young
desire-filled and fuelled by my own voice.
Ablaze throughout the hour of owls, I learned
what every poet yearns for quill by quill;
the secrets of the world, inhaled and burned,
consumed and turned to ash to suit my will.
In casting my own shadows I have seen
reflections in the furnace of my flame;
a white-light rising through a smokey screen,
its simple pureness mirroring my name.
I felt the spark that lit the fire I fanned,
in death I’ll once more feel my maker’s hand.

[Royston Vasey]

Hello songofmeadow,

This poem - yet another accomplished sonnet from you - to my mind falls short in L9 and L10's "In casting my own shadows I have seen / reflections in the furnace of my flame;", this strikes as being difficult to grasp and an overly-complex description, both. I can appreciate that you're striving to create layers of meaning - that in itself is a fine and logical goal, but with 'art concealing art' ,(as they say), a piece's complexity shouldn't obviate its accessibility to a reader. Of course there are exceptions to almost any rule, some of Donne's metaphysical poetry, to my mind, being cases in point. I like the way in which L4's iambic foot "fuelled" cleverly retrieves matters from the preceding trochee's ("filled and") clout.

I suppose it can be a relatively simple matter to pick a hole or two in a poem, such creations are, after all, subject to extreme subjectivity. Having said what I've said, song, nothing can detract from the fact that you wield what appears to be a God-given way with sonnets.

Thanks for the read.


Go well.

[songofmeadow]

Thank you RV for taking the time to both read and share your thoughts, what you say makes sense so I shall study and learn in order to utilise the offered help, thank you again,

[oттs]

Hi Meadow,

This is quite an enjoyable piece, and I'm struggling to recall ever reading something written from the fire's perspective - nice work! In contrast to RV, I found L9 & 10 to be my favorites - I thought the line 'casting my own shadows' was brilliant and made for a nice turn in the presentation, but I am admittedly one for art concealing art. In the mode of constructive criticism, to me the last two lines are a little soft - it's a bit predictable for the extinguishing of the fire to be the ending, though throwing in the 'makers hand' part is a nice touch. For me, a stronger way on conveying it's demise might be a little more consistent with such fantastic lines that proceed them.

Wonderful stuff, as has become your norm!

tts.

[everhopeful]

Without wishing to disagree too forcefully with the well-intentioned advice of my peers, I would struggle to offer any kind of suggestion to improve this with genuine sincerity that I could, in fact, improve it.
In terms of the extended metaphor, it is executed to perfection, and rather than seeing the fire burn out the end of the sestet suggests to me the fire stays strong, it is only the substances within that burn out.
The ending comes full circle like a 360 degree turn, metaphorically speaking and ended, for me, with a bang, not a whimper.

[oттs]

rather than seeing the fire burn out the end of the sestet suggests to me the fire stays strong, it is only the substances within that burn out.

I like this.

[JingleBelle]

My gosh, meadow, this is beautiful. I am sorry it has taken me so long to review this, I saw you had posted a new sonnet, and I was saving it for when I had finished my duties, as a reward of sorts. Every line of this is beautiful. I want to point to my favorites, so I point to all fourteen. The metaphor of a fire burning through the night as life is beautiful. I cannot possibly analyze this quickly.

If I should die before the dawn has come
then know my embers faded out of choice.
I drank the midnight air when I was young
desire-filled and fuelled by my own voice.

The fire, it seems, is on its way to death. You start by telling the reader that you choose to die now that your time is come, which I think is a beautiful sentiment, but you also set up the start of the retelling of life from the perspective of the fire. I love "fuelled by my own voice."

Ablaze throughout the hour of owls, I learned
what every poet yearns for quill by quill;
the secrets of the world, inhaled and burned,
consumed and turned to ash to suit my will.

I love the phrase "the hour of owls," it is the most creative way I have heard night described in a long while. In this quatrain you extend the metaphor to one's growth as a poet. The last two lines suggest that the poet consumes the world around him (I use "him" as the neuter singular pronoun), much the same way fire does.

In casting my own shadows I have seen
reflections in the furnace of my flame;
a white-light rising through a smokey screen,
its simple pureness mirroring my name.

This is the most difficult part of poetry, self-reflection. I love that you find a "simple pureness" in yourself. This quatrain is beautiful.

I felt the spark that lit the fire that fanned,
in death I’ll once more feel my maker’s hand.

I love this end here. You address death in much the same way Dylan Thomas does in his "Do not go Gentle into that Good Night," with both acceptance and a great appreciation for life. Meadow, you continually carry the sonnet to greater and greater heights. It is an honor to watch you.



The Insufficient Flower

[JingleBelle]

I just read the other comments, I love lines 9 & 10. Were this any other poem I would say they are my favorite lines.

[musie]

OMG! Songofmeadow~ Your pen is on fire girl! I am in utter awe over this Exceptional Sonnet from your pen....there was never more beauty penned.....EXCEPTIONAL work my friend...A KEEPER in my book! Musie

[Sasha]

Oh, Wow!!
Every quatrain was ignited with beautiful imagery that took me breath away! Never have though a theme like this would be worded in such an exquisite sonnet like this very one!
I'll not give my interpretation, but just enjoy this as I read it again and again! Bookmarked!
Love it!!!

Sash

[SwingingPistol]

This was.. I'm breathless. So beautiful. You are a wonder with sonnets. Beautiful, beautiful! Bookmarked as well.

SP

[ladymaybebaby]

Congratulations on the spotlight! It is well deserved... such a lovely piece! How I envy your talent... this sonnet is so beautiful, you write with the skill and grace of the masters!

-LMB
xoxo

[moe]

This is a hymn, a prayer... poignant

[tangerinepie]

This is flawless in it's inventive and gorgeous theme.I am not into forms, but even I can just sigh with pure admiration.Just a perfect spotlight poem..Congrats to you..Tangie..

[danielraythomason]

Brilliantly written. I'm glad to finally see one of your sonnets in the spotlights.

[JASON]

This was absolutely fantastic, your first 2 lines are pure brilliance...may your creative fire never go out [well not for a looong time anyway ]

[inflames]

Wow. Meadow, this is beautiful. A wonderful look at a very tender scene. I love this piece. A well deserved spotlight. Congrats!

[everhopeful]

So nice to read this again, and in this board of all places where it truly belongs. Upon re-reading it is very difficult to pick out a favourite part, even isolating the quatrains and couplet only further highlights the brilliance of each part.
Congratulations on the spotlight!

[musie]

Most deserving Spotlight my friend....CONGRATULATIONS!!! Musie

[flux]

You excel at this form, but I don't want to go on about sonnets. This is imaginative, that's what strikes me most, you took a creative leap and I enjoyed reading the result.