Paisley Poplin Shirt

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Dr.Apollo
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Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by Dr.Apollo » May 22nd, 2013, 10:18 am

(Verse 1)
Under the trees
Of the university
A shadow was gruesomely cast
Photosynthesis
Met its nemesis
And under it grew no grass
No one would
Lie under its wood
And drink nectar from its trunk
It wasn’t essential
There was no potential
Claimed the revered monk

(Hook)
But late at night you’ll find him
Lying in the dirt
Wearing a paisley poplin shirt

(Verse 2)
The click of the gears
Define his years
A cycle on a chain
A cloud of sand
Thrown by his own hand
Hones forth his rage
He blows seeds
Of dandelion weeds
Raping a virgin field
He pretends
That he intends
To reap this terrible yield

(Hook)
Because unintentionally
He subconsciously convert
To one who wears a paisley poplin shirt

(Verse 3)
Covered in rust
A blade he adjusts
His mind remains unwrung
The words he could speak
Were too damn bleak
So he cuts off his tongue
He’ll be finished
When he diminishes
These humanly sights
There was no vision
At the end of his mission
So he’ll gouge out his eyes

(Hook)
And Helen Keller takes one of
Her old ragged skirts
And fashions him a paisley poplin shirt

(Bridge)
Why must we
Be obsessed
With the unseen
When we know
We cannot
Make something out of nothing

(Outro)
And to those of you who think that
They cannot be hurt
Stones go through a paisley poplin shirt


“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
-George Carlin

inflames
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by inflames » May 27th, 2013, 10:44 pm

I love this stanza:
hy must we
Be obsessed
With the unseen
When we know
We cannot
Make something out of nothing
.

I think it speaks volumes and has such a great message. It's really well done. Fantastic work!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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Sasha
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by Sasha » May 28th, 2013, 10:49 am

Yeah, I'm gonna echo Flamey, that was simply fantastic!!
It's so unique, each verse was wonderfully composed with very intriguing edges and images, then all coming back to the paisley poplin shirt, and the final part was brilliant!!

Thanks a lot for sharing!

Sash



ladymaybebaby
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by ladymaybebaby » May 28th, 2013, 11:13 am

Count me in, I loved this one as well! The lines are so crisp and each one flows perfectly into the next. The rhythm seems flawless... much enjoyed! Love the 'paisley poplin shirt' theme ( and I hate using that word) and what you've done with it, truly is awesome!

-LMB
xoxo


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My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

ladymaybebaby
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by ladymaybebaby » June 9th, 2013, 8:07 am

Just stopping back in to say congratulations on the spotlight pick of the week, it is much deserved! A really great write... and a much deserved honor!

-LMB
xoxo


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Dew and I want you in our posse! Just PM us!


My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

trell11
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by trell11 » June 9th, 2013, 3:21 pm

Very nice writing with a wonderful rhythm to it and rhyme . I can pictured it being sung by the beat of a drum. I could imagine the images you describe and get a sense of a modern day Oedipus Rex. Take care my friend.


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Dr.Apollo
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Location:Texas

Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by Dr.Apollo » June 9th, 2013, 9:09 pm

What a cool surprise when I log in today. Here's a link to listen to it:
https://soundcloud.com/cal-scotland/pai ... plin-shirt


“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
-George Carlin

inflames
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by inflames » June 12th, 2013, 1:59 pm

I adored this the first time I saw it, and I still do now. The title is brilliant and the whole thing is wonderfully phrased. Awesome work.

Congrats on your spotlight!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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everhopeful
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by everhopeful » June 13th, 2013, 7:31 am

It's always pleasing to see a song make the spotlight, especially one as well constructed as this. There are a lot of effective, impactful lines in this, and the progression of the narrative was quite poignant and, in a way, bittersweet.
Congratulations on the spotlight!



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Ladywildalice
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Re: Paisley Poplin Shirt

Post by Ladywildalice » June 13th, 2013, 2:09 pm

Great work much enjoyed this very well done and well deserving spotlight. Congratulations, indeed.


'Where ecstasy leaves gravity and dances with wild eyes' by Ladywildalice

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