Praying (Mature)

[sicksoul]

I find myself praying
to a porcelain goddess, just as
attentive as any other deity,

With the nerve to spit my
dry-heaves back in my face,

It's not vanity but the gut
feeling, the urge to purge
his taste from my mouth

Pound for pound he feeds,
gorging upon my misery

All that's left now is ninety
pounds of nothing, ethereal
perversion of cherubs,
Bound to be a proverbial
tombstone, stoic, unmoving
Silent, an ageless alien face

Watching from a cemetery
buried ten deep with cherubs,
Memories, and the clemency
of cold rain, drowning ghosts
in our starvation.

[YoursTrulyZsa]

FABULOUS! I really like your justification change from our typical left and center...what great visuals you have given us and the wording is superb

Zsa

[ladylilith]

I thought there was something so smooth and simple in the phrasing here that it has an immediate effect. The reader can easily drop into the meaning, and insert their own predicament or situation into the words too, making it personal to both the reader and speaker. You make wonderful use of some bold and hard hitting lines and there is a subtle, almost subliminal (sp.?) repetition in this, whether intended or not, it works so brilliantly, especially how it comes together at the end.

'Bound to be a proverbial
tombstone, stoic, unmoving
Silent, an ageless alien face' - I like those lines especially.

Great work!

Lily^^

[AgentofChaos]

there is something very visceral about this piece, somewhat poignant but mostly writ almost as an affront to the sentiment and whether directed at the act or the individual casts a rather chiding, scalding-scolding mein to the overall feel of the piece.

[QuietAstronomer]

What a sense of loss, finality and tragic ending in this piece, ss.
You done good, girlie.
Really found this to be a smooth, well crafted read.

thanks.


QA

[Allylovesmagick]

I agree with Zsa I like the poem being on the right side.
The last stanza gave me a very vivid image in my mind.
Well done.
Thank you for sharing.

[bandgeekfreak]

Wow, a great poem about something so sad.

[Dew]

Some people romanticize tragedy to the point they unfeel the ugly, tainted, grotesque aspects of it. i am horrified at the ugliness of life when it taints tragedy...so well written! - dew

[BhindBluEyes]

Wow... this is an amazing piece. I can relate... The truth in this is disturbing and sad but yet it is beautiful in that sadness. Amazing job.

Tabby

[Ladyoftheword]

I was absorbed into your world. It is very hard to endure such loss.
"All that's left now is ninety
pounds of nothing, ethereal
perversion of cherubs,
Bound to be a proverbial
tombstone, stoic, unmoving
Silent, an ageless alien face"


That is a very hard image to get out of my head. Well done, poet.

[Jovel320]

Quite strong for all heavenly. I see deep bitterness in this piece.
Jovel320

[ladymaybebaby]

What a beautiful piece of writing, so glad to see this one in the spotlight! So sorry I missed this one the first time around, but thanks for second chances, right? Congratulations on the spotlight pick of the week, it is certainly well deserved!

-LMB
xoxo

[dornicks]

A mix of feelings in this well worded write. Food for the brain. Thank you for sharing,

dornicks

[tangerinepie]

Hi, a very in depth tragedy written with focus and expertise.The reader is drawn into this realm with bated breath and a heaviness of heart..Great job on a well deserved spotlight..Tangie..

[Sasha]

A heavy solid piece of work here; the use of language was so striking. It has some kinds dark bitter edges hitting the read with the effect of the set of words that was used and eloquently expressed, and the last stanza was a brilliant ending.
A great, great work displayed here, that definitely deserves a place under the Spotlight. Congratulations!

Sash

[Philip16]

Boldly stark. Hard hitting. No fluffiness here, and think that is exactly how you intended this. Very well done and consistent through the whole piece. Congratulations on this spotlight. The porcelain goddess, "Pound for pound", "ninety pounds of nothing" and "drowning ghosts in our starvation" made me think this could be the lament of an anorexic, but perhaps the particular ailment is not significant. Anyway, great job.
Philip16

[musie]

What can I say, but that it does not surprise me as to why this piece is in the Spotlight...CONGRATULATIONS! It's a gut wrenching read, and the formatting made for and even greater impact, as well as the emotive expression's...An excellently written piece.....Musie

[everhopeful]

While you play upon references which could lead people to see this as solely relating to an eating disorder, for me it's more about that element being a symptom of something else altogether. Without delving too deeply into that, I felt like the third and fifth stanzas were indicative of the root cause, however what was incredibly striking throughout this was how well you've conveyed the torment of the speaker. It feels like they see their fate defined by their experiences, and their ending predetermined. It's done with such ferocious descriptions that it's hard not to be emotionally impacted by your words.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[inflames]

This is an absolutely beautiful piece. I'm really quite impressed with it. I especially love the final lines- they're beautiful. Congrats on your spotlight!