Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

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sophiah
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Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by sophiah » March 16th, 2013, 7:27 pm

Okay so I admit, having barely picked up the pen since October, maybe attempting to write a form poem (let alone a sonnet, which have never been my forte!) was a little optimistic? So please go easy on me!

I saw the rainfall tears pour from your eyes.
I watched them as they danced 'round smiling rays;
But now your blanket children must disguise
Your face - no sorrow in this masked life stays.

Yet still I glimpsed a world where raindrops stain
In honesty; for life should tell no lie.
Are birds alive, who sing no notes of pain?
Are books dead ink, if no one dares to cry?

I lived in masks and none but sorrow found.
I dined in cloaks concealing gaping bones.
But as I seek to shed them on the ground,
I fear I will be forced by sticks and stones

Of life to kill the colour painted sky;
To mourn the perfect rainbow that must die.
Last edited by sophiah on March 17th, 2013, 8:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Jahaliel
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by Jahaliel » March 17th, 2013, 2:49 am

I've missed your writing, and really enjoyed this sonnet you have a good flow here and if the meter tripped up once or twice I didn't care because the emotion and words resonated with me on a level that shows both beauty and skill in your writing. Beautiful work x


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I loved you then, I love you still though we are shadows of our former glory
Though they try to kill us off, we are a never-ending story


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ladymaybebaby
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by ladymaybebaby » March 17th, 2013, 3:19 pm

I have missed you so much! This piece is a beauty Sophs, gooses bumps and tears falling stuff... It's certainly a bookmarker for sure! Thanks love for sharing this one with us! Take care!

-R
xoxo


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godsplat
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by godsplat » March 18th, 2013, 1:04 am

I wouldn’t feel too insecure about anything here sophiah, this was a wonderful sonnet!

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songofmeadow
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by songofmeadow » March 20th, 2013, 3:48 pm

Pleased to see you post, and a sonnet! The second half of the quatrain and then on seemed to pick up pace and momentum, I thought the sestet and couplet accomplished but as well the thought provoking nature of these lines
'Are birds alive, who sing no notes of pain?
Are books dead ink, if no one dares to cry'
your poetry has grown and I am glad to read you again mx


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DomingoCarl
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by DomingoCarl » March 20th, 2013, 7:16 pm

To be honest, I've never read anything from you before now that I do, I can now safely say "great Poet!" And hey, no matter how long you may seem to have stopped writing, still the muses know you. Jej they did a preetty good job at inspiring you and helping you write this.


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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by Sasha » March 23rd, 2013, 7:33 am

Another post from Sophs! :)
I know this has nothing to do with this, but I was reminded of our sonnet..hmm.
You put so much in this, and I agree with Meadow, your poetry has taken a higher level. Your choice of rainbows, as something delicate and colourful, and the thought of losing it all, is just so striking and saddening, yet beautifuflly expressed in this emotive sonnet.
I really would like to read another sonnet from you sis.

Sash x



ladymaybebaby
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by ladymaybebaby » July 7th, 2013, 12:46 pm

I loved this one when I first read it, and it is still just as beautiful now! Congratulations on the spotlight pick Sophs it is well deserved! We miss you...

-R
xoxo


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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by TheSoundOfSoul » July 7th, 2013, 7:34 pm

Congrats on the spotlight, this one is definitely beautiful and moving. A great piece for sure.



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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by tangerinepie » July 8th, 2013, 7:59 pm

Simply beautiful with so much to whet the readers appetite.A sonnet to remember for sure..So glad to see this spotlighted and congrats to you..Tangie..


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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by Sasha » July 9th, 2013, 11:51 am

I so enjoyed re-reading this, and I'm so glad it made to the Spotlight!
The fragility of the content, approach, flow, structure, and how it was thought of, all makes a wonderful sonnet, and a worthy Spotlight! Congratulations my dear! x

Sash



Philip16
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by Philip16 » July 9th, 2013, 6:21 pm

I think your poem is great and what a beautiful way of expressing the longing to be real,
to let the disguises drop away, to mourn real tears and to be moved by the beauty of
creation.
Wonderful write.
Philip16


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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by dornicks » July 10th, 2013, 3:17 pm

I am with Phililp on this one . A beautifully worded piece. Congratulations on the Spotlight,

dornicks


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Josie
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by Josie » July 10th, 2013, 11:27 pm

Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight recognition. I guess we all must wear masks at times, but hopefully most of us can drop off pretense and be ourselves around others who care for us and understand the feelings we try to hide. The rainbow is a blessing and so we enjoy it while it presents itself to us. Thank you for sharing your poem. And, may your days be filled with beautiful rainbows!


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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by musie » July 12th, 2013, 7:50 am

Sophia...I do hope you see where you made the Spotlight...I have always enjoyed reading you, and you should write more often....This I felt was just an all around exceptional piece of work what with the heartfelt word behavior and very striking imagery, definitely hold's the reader's attention...Greatly enjoyed the reading of this piece from your pen...CONGRATULATIONS on the Spotlight, most assuredly deserved.....Musie


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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by everhopeful » July 13th, 2013, 3:28 pm

Many impressive elements to this one; for me the meter was excellent and controlled throughout, with the occasional substitution to add more stresses, which I always admire in Iambic Pentameter. Your use of enjambment was brilliant, only further highlighting how well you tackled the meter. The questions of lines 7 and 8 were poignant and pressing, and the turn was subtle but effective - the risk of facing the world, metaphorically naked, and ruining what was left of its perceived beauty made for a really strong ending.
Congratulations on the spotlight!



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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by inflames » July 13th, 2013, 3:30 pm

Wow. What an ending! This is lovely, Sophiah. Your poetry is always a joy to read. Well done! Congrats on your spotlight!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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sophiah
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Re: Losing the Rainbow (sonnet)

Post by sophiah » July 13th, 2013, 7:48 pm

Oh my goodness I can't quite believe this piece was spotlighted! Due to exams/personal reasons I haven't been writing a lot in the last few months, but I have picked up the pen in the last couple of weeks and plan to (fingers crossed) be posting more and spending time reading all of your wonderful work - I have missed it! This honestly means so much to me, especially as I have always found writing sonnets a daunting task! THANK-YOU!?


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"I write because there is a voice within me that will not be still" Sylvia Plath


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