Hungry Ghosts

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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True~Reflection
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Hungry Ghosts

Post by True~Reflection » July 17th, 2013, 2:57 am

Our French cocktail rendezvous,
Lingers fresh in my mind like,
The winter mint of your suit and tie.

Little, pink, plump lips meshed,
To a crevasse, like a brush on a canvas,
An easel of torment to colorful ecstasy.

Cheap cologne and designer perfume,
Fresh bread and red wine, poured forth
From your mouth before the fireplace.

An ensemble of silk and satin scarves,
Pinstripes like a cage behind which you hide
A mountain of a physic and a blunt truth.

A blonde haze above the smog of twinkling city lights,
Below saxophones waltz through gold plated panes,
With an unashamed taste for iron and ribbons.

Fingers devising schemes upon a Persian rug,
Tongues spelling secrets words would never tell,
Beneath a yellow, grated chuck of heartless rock.

Restless teeth and hungry eyes like ghosts,
That float through time, a pant of the breathless,
Swallowing a sour sap until drunk and full.

Wax drips slowly, keeping time, hot and steady,
Until the sun rears its blemished face and like ghosts,
We dissipate to our own secret corners, relishing in memory.

Your memory is just a distant flicker
Of an image in the candlelight,
Dancing upon the floor.

I don’t think about you anymore.


All I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.
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Baywriter
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by Baywriter » July 17th, 2013, 10:50 am

Your poetry has really grown over the last few months. This poem is completely alive with images and ignites all the senses. I found your uses of scents particularly compelling because each one was so distinct and created a collision of their differences that seemed to work together quite harmoniously (yeah, Bay, that made sense). I also really appreciated the nuances here, particularly in sound. Little pops of internal rhyme every now and again really propelled the piece forward. Little things like "pinstripes" and "hide," "panes" and "unashamed." They're so subtle and work perfectly in that way. Really, it was very deftly executed.

As for the atmosphere, I enjoyed the sensual nature. The scenes depicted were intimate and infused with passion, yet the comparison to "ghosts" left me feeling a strong sense of sadness. It felt like this poem was remembering passion rather than actively feeling it, leaving me thinking that this passion, this love, has gone away. The ending lines were perfect and poignant, particularly with that last rhyme. It really made the poem for me and summed up the tone.

The structure was great too. I loved the back and forth of this, like a memory wavering and fading in and out before the mind "centers" and comes to some realization about it. (Hope that made sense.)

Great job. I really enjoyed this!

Bay


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inflames
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by inflames » July 18th, 2013, 5:31 pm

Wow.

Just wow.

I first off would like to say that I feel really incompetent coming both after that poem and Bay's superb comment!

This is some stellar writing. There's nothing that's insignificant or even remotely dull about this poem. It is truly wonderful. The final line is brilliant and truly follow the poem with great significance- it is the perfect ending to the build up that your words give. I love this poem. You are brilliant.


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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musie
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by musie » July 19th, 2013, 8:23 am

TR~you should most definitely feel confidence in having written a truly beautiful piece of poetry in this piece...I enjoyed the format as it gave it more intrigue and pulled the reader right in to both the sensuality as well as a past romance that you continue to relive, as the imagery give's way and alludes to this memory....Give yourself a pat on the back my friend...This I felt was epic for you, Brilliantly done! Musie


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JohnFeddeler
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by JohnFeddeler » July 19th, 2013, 9:15 pm

very meloncholic reflections in this. closing the chapter on an unpleasant affair...


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candlewitch
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by candlewitch » July 26th, 2013, 11:56 am

hello,

after the above comments, I feel almost incompetent to respond. I can only add: This delicate piece reminded me of a love affair I had long ago. As in your poem, there are some very memorable moments to be cherished, if only alone in the wee hours. There is also an underlying sadness and sense of loss and regret. Within these lines:


Your memory is just a distant flicker
Of an image in the candlelight,
Dancing upon the floor.

I don’t think about you anymore.

I think the last line runs deeper than the surface meaning. I loved this piece!
always. Cat


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allmirth
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by allmirth » July 26th, 2013, 12:16 pm

I can add nothing of substance to the analysis of this poem, but, I must add my voice to the chorus of praise. Stunning poetry which engages and stimulates the senses and stirs the imagination with longing.

Thanks much for sharing.

Mirthy :lovey:


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Baywriter
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by Baywriter » July 28th, 2013, 10:22 pm

Yay! I'm so glad this got spotlighted! I can't add much to what I already said. Awesome poem. Congrats on the well-deserved spotlight.

Bay


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SirFleshwound
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by SirFleshwound » July 29th, 2013, 9:07 am

What a sight to see!! I have been away for a while and return in time to read this masterpiece. This has the most remarkable flavour and flow, melting the heart.

This for me, accentuates the essence of this beautiful piece.......

Wax drips slowly, keeping time, hot and steady,
Until the sun rears its blemished face and like ghosts,
We dissipate to our own secret corners, relishing in memory.[/center]
Your memory is just a distant flicker
Of an image in the candlelight,
Dancing upon the floor.

Bravo, and congratulations on the spotlight.



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allmirth
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by allmirth » July 29th, 2013, 4:57 pm

A great opportunity to savor it again. Congratulations on a well deserved Spotlight!

Thanks again for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey: :heart:


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icelandicblue
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by icelandicblue » July 30th, 2013, 10:43 am

You've created some very memorable imagery in this poem. Well done!



dornicks
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by dornicks » July 30th, 2013, 3:41 pm

Congratulations on the Spotlight. I wish I could add to the previous comments,but they've said it all better than I could,

dornicks


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tangerinepie
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by tangerinepie » July 30th, 2013, 7:52 pm

Hi TR..Fabulous..Fabulous..An absolute feast of gorgeous wording that is spell binding.Outstanding poetry that lingers long after being read..a spotlight choice superb, with an exalt from me..Tangie..


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Rainman
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by Rainman » July 31st, 2013, 12:13 pm

This is good. It has emotional resonance without descending into sentimentality. I get a picture of Paris in the 1960s, echoes of Jacques Prevert and the Nouvelle Vague perhaps. Well done, indeed!



everhopeful
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by everhopeful » August 1st, 2013, 3:48 pm

Uh-huh, the descriptive qualities of this manage to be tastefully seductive and are packed with the level of detail which feels right for a moment when all of the senses are turned up to their fullest, with a mix of more obviously intimate details and some of the background information.
The finale felt a little bit like it swept the rug out from under my feet, it was such a shame for the reminiscing to end, yet I feel that was the key to the poem - that it was a reminiscence without a chance of a repeat, at least from the speaker's perspective.
You touched upon all of the senses here with finesse and style, congratulations on the spotlight!



ladymaybebaby
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by ladymaybebaby » August 3rd, 2013, 5:00 pm

Red, I have been enjoying everything you write these days and I always look forward to seeing you post a new piece, you keep getting better and better! I"m a huge groupie of yours now, congratulations on the spotlight it is so much deserved. Love this one, just like all of the others. Keep it up doll!

-R
xoxo


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My latest poem: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42651

musie
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Re: Hungry Ghosts

Post by musie » August 7th, 2013, 4:21 am

And after what I originally said about this piece, it's in the Spotlight! CONGRATULATIONS! You should own it in my opinion! BIG SMILE! Come on I dare ya! LOL :smile:


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