sustenance

[Jim]

just before dusk,
he makes a fire,
nothing to cook,
fish weren't biting.
cold night feels that much colder
on an empty stomach.
crouching close, he watches as the flames spar with a raw wind rolling around the mountainside,
inciting visions of a warm valley, and a town down there,
and you



sounds of elk -
hunger,
for what was

[cesario]

jim,
a stunning, modern style for this haibun.
the closing haiku is, of course, a stand-alone
masterpiece.
welcome back, my friend ...

always with respect,
cesario

[allmirth]

This is quite beautiful, the longing and desire is movingly palpable. I have not read you in a while, I remember what I've been missing.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy

[ladylynnmary]

Dearest Jim, I must agree this is a masterpiece. The emotions , longing for your love really took
my heart . Look forward from more from you. You definitely have a way to affect the heart.

Much Love,
Lynn

[mangodog]

you really did capture the essence of cold and lonely, here, Jim....
with the little of warmth hinted at the end - visions of a warm valley...

now....was that elk haiku at the end part of this poem, or a little
signature thingy you have....


thanks....Mdog

[konch]

welcome back Jim, been missing your work, a lot!

that last word "was" is so cryptic yet has so much riding on it. It leaves the reader feeling the hunger of the subject. What's the opposite of pathetic fallacy? Magnificent truth?

[RogueInk]

This should be set to accompany a neofolk song. You really know how to ground the reader in time and place with your Japanese poetry, which is the hallmark that true adherents should strive for. You're actually somewhat of a mentor to me with these styles. You have more or less set the benchmark for what I want to convey in these types of writings: intense self-reflection, overwhelming beauty, keen nostalgia, and just a general attention to detail that takes you away, but doesn't give too much away. You, sir, have yet to disappoint. This is yet another fantastic entry for your repertoire.

[Alan]

>cold night feels that much colder
>on an empty stomach.

Wow. Amazing lines.

Great poem, very picturesque

[Jim]

Hope you don't mind if I send an old one up to you. I'm not writing much right now - thanks

[ObsidianMule]

Hunger for what was, indeed

[tangerinepie]

So glad I read this creative write Jim, it is truly inspiring, hope to see you soon again..Tangie..

[raulperez]

Your haibun's sure are food for the mind and soul. Enjoyed.

[BarryC]

fantastic piece- well done

[aoeclald]

Hunger is rarely saved for only the stomach. Thank you for reminding me of that Jim - my mind can not grumble quite like my belly.

Congratulations!
Luke

[The ghost]

I have not read anything lately that has moved me as much as this piece did .
Many bows