Because You Are Leaving (sestina)

[redtoblue]

Because you are leaving, I paint a gift
Of sky for you. Love, in water colour.
A tarpaulin of equal-blue so clear
That should first dream fall on you
Tonight- there will be a vision of sun
In the corner of your mind, spilling light.

And because you cannot yet know light,
You must learn to separate darkness. Present
Now is a cloud, eclipsing half the sun,
So when shadow meets explosion of colour,
It will illuminate not the loss of you,
But the way you've touched the sky, as clear

As it is dark. Coastline develops, clear
Statues of rock split a shore where light
Unveils an outline that is you,
Older now. Conclusive proof of presence
In the portrait of life. The colours
Of water, first sleeving a foot, then sun

In its extravagant gleam, doing what sun
Does in its all-overing. You are clear
To me, and though I know how colour
Cavorts out of shape, I hold your light.
Imagine you swell, rise and take this gift
Of a world catching fire for you.

As you reach, they announce the time. You
In your glass box, paler now. Outside, Sun-
Set flickers, flashes its flame, a fleeting gift
That leaves us in an instant. The clear
Of night rolls in to cancel daylight.
The moon holding sway over sky and colour

So I'm left to know you only in the colours
I painted: the last train leaving the coast, you
Lost in the beginning of life, an ocean light-
Show erupting around you. The sun
Collapsing in a hundred thousand clear
Cut diamonds across water, so finally the gift

To a departed son erupts in clear
Colour: white-gold on crystal-blue, a gift
Of sky remembering you in its eulogy of light.

[Dew]

Both warmed and broke my heart at once. How do you give a lifetime of your love to someone in a moment? How do you carry around all the love someone deserves after they leave? What do you do with that much love??? It's all there, you let it swim around in your heart and mind and let it swirl up into lovely dreams that you write about or paint on...but in your mind and in your heart...that is the only place it is complete...these wisps are just shadows of what's inside. A gorgeous sesta rima, I enjoyed the way you took one word 'gift' and replaced it with a synonym, and then a homonym and then came back again. "an ocean light-show erupting around you. The sun collapsing in a hundred thousand clear cut diamonds across water"...that line keeps breaking my heart everytime I read it. Peace - dew

[songofmeadow]

Oh gosh, I don't think I can better Dew's comment in terms of the inherent heartache and impact on the reader. Form aside, this is a beautiful, controlled poem that is deserving of further reads to appreciate both the skill in writing, what I consider to be a tricky form, but in making it so very readable and affecting The envoi for instance, is standout and a poem on its own, mx

[QuietAstronomer]

Wonderful piece in a difficult form. Well done!
Enjoyed the flow and the way you maintained a tight thought in a usually difficult format.
Well done.

QA

[ladylilith]

This is a mighty fine sestina! I was really excited by how you played with the end words in a more relaxed kind of interpretation of form, and I think that is definitely something I will try and incorporate in my own future attempts at it! Content wise, I thought that the spiralling form was very fitting, it's like a kind of circle of thoughts and emotions, and that reflects reality too. Yeah! My waffling aside, this is really grand work. I truly enjoyed the read, and I highly appreciate the skill and finesse you show in structuring this form.

Lily^^

[tangerinepie]

One of the finest poems I have ever read..truthfully..It simply fills the heart with nostalgia and piercing love.I simply had to read it several times to absorb the impact..Tangie..

[dwells]

Somber piece sadly stated and crushing in the closing, cheers RtB.

[rupertpupkin]

Hi, wonderful emotive writing and so much deserving of a spotlight, great writing, Sean.

[tangerinepie]

I knew this was a gold plated write from the get go.I am so very elated to see this spotlighted..best wishes..Tangie..

[dvtcpwp]

The emotion within this write gave my soul tears. It grabbed my heart from first line, and hasn't let go as of yet. Such strong words from a depth few know. Great, great, great write. Congratulations on spot light.

[Josie]

You are a true artist with your words. This was an amazing sestina because communicating your thoughts took precedent over the form, to the point that the form did not distract. Congrats!

[Josie]

You are a true artist with your words. This was an amazing sestina because communicating your thoughts took precedent over the form, to the point that the form did not distract. Congrats!

[Sasha]

A stellar piece of work to begin with!
I enjoyed as well the free play on the repetitive words; that was a clever to use the words you used to their full power. The theme was something else, is just so moving! You weaved many perfect images and I really admire the way you seamlessly put them here, keep in mind that this is a sestina.
I will never get tired of reading this again and again.
Congratulations on the Spotlight!

Sash

[everhopeful]

This is a fiendish form, and I think you have written in a way which almost manages to hide the constraints, which is no mean feat. I think the use of enjambment helped on that front, I think it felt naturally written, almost as if the refrain words just happened to land where they needed to, and the clever substitutions of present/presence for gift and son for sun were a nice touch, especially the latter one which helped to make the envoi even more emotive as it shaped the context of the poem as a whole.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[ladylilith]

I'm really glad to see this Spotlighted. A great use of form, so well thought of and composed. It's a tricky thing, the villanelle, but you tackle it with confidence and skill, and it really shows. Congrats on the spotlight, really great stuff!

Lily^^

[jsol]

i don't think i can add anything more than has already been said about this amazing piece for there are truly some dazzling and complex comments above. incredible, beautiful writing. i love this poem.