Tonight

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QuietAstronomer
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Tonight

Post by QuietAstronomer » October 21st, 2013, 8:09 pm

Am I out of my mind?
Eyes looking up into yours.
Dead eyes stare back.
What did we find?
Through lonesome hours.
Finding what we lack.
Dead beneath this grind.
Holding you close.
Your bone against my flesh.
Waking up so cold.
Sockets stare at me in love.
Trapped in this death pose.
Forming a bony mesh.
Waiting for my flesh to unfold.
Cold blood drips from above.
It simply took one dose.

So tonight girl, it's only you and me.


(C) 2013 Quiet Astronomer


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dwells
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Re: Tonight

Post by dwells » October 21st, 2013, 8:53 pm

For goodness sakes, take her out for a pizza! Pondering some deeper elements now and too sad to say much more than sorry, oh and cheers QA! Heavy duty.
Later - A well deserved spotlight and I think Flux just about nailed it after several re-reads - when lust has had its day and love has flown away. Once more for auld ang syne maybe, but then we don't always get a do-over, sadly - or maybe if we do it only confirms that it is indeed, over.
Last edited by dwells on December 27th, 2013, 5:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.


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songofmeadow
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Re: Tonight

Post by songofmeadow » October 24th, 2013, 10:48 am

This is incredibly, if gruesomely, good qa, metaphors abound and I do like your end stops, some serious finality going on there, mx


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trace
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Re: Tonight

Post by trace » October 25th, 2013, 11:42 am

Reminds me of Cold Ethyl by Alice Cooper.


"Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift their eye to heaven conscious of their fleeting time here."

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Re: Tonight

Post by Mr Goth » October 25th, 2013, 8:54 pm

I am taking this as a drug addiction or a real bad sexual addiction either way I love the despair you brought forth



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Re: Tonight

Post by flux » October 27th, 2013, 2:15 pm

There is nothing more horrific than real life and this strikes me as being a true life experience, maybe not your own, I don't like to think it is, but I imagine it being the experience of someone in a meaningless and emotionally empty relationship.


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QuietAstronomer
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Re: Tonight

Post by QuietAstronomer » October 28th, 2013, 3:47 pm

Alors, mon amie. it is mine.


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Re: Tonight

Post by Darkvassal » November 2nd, 2013, 9:16 am

Necrophilic, Mortal Kombat-ish images,slick images fill my head. I can see it, almost as if its happening to me.
Exalt!


To Darkness, I raise my goblet and sip in delight.....

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Rosella
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Re: Tonight

Post by Rosella » November 2nd, 2013, 1:04 pm

This is baffling, that it describe dark days or can be interpreted for awkwardness between couple, I've seen and heard one, this poem get me understand more day as it speak volume of unspeakable woes. What I mean baffling that is this scene can imply of any serious circumstances and issues or simple problems, this poem describe bad day arises.



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Re: Tonight

Post by Dew » December 23rd, 2013, 8:01 am

The imagery, though complex, creates a great icon for the destructive force of desire...congrats on the spot mate! - dew



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songofmeadow
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Re: Tonight

Post by songofmeadow » December 23rd, 2013, 8:39 am

So pleased to have your poem revived (!) for a re-read, worth many reads more mx


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Re: Tonight

Post by dornicks » December 23rd, 2013, 3:05 pm

Deserving of it's place in the Spotlight. Congratulations,

dornicks


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mangodog
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Re: Tonight

Post by mangodog » December 25th, 2013, 10:51 am

perhaps, QA, it's related to your tag line:

Love is just another drug that doesn't change anything.

Of course this is the truth in that kind of love. I shivered when
I read this, so you got to me!

Congrats.....Drew



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Re: Tonight

Post by Sasha » December 26th, 2013, 4:59 pm

This is chilling in a striking, brilliant way; I love this smash between life and death, this wonderful contrast, and I don't know, but there's something about this that pulls you in in an involuntary way, that you enjoy this so much and at the same it gives you the shivers. The way you separate the last line doubled the effect, and the reader wouldn't know what they are heading for at the end.
Love this- Congratulations on the Spotlight, QA!

Sash



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Re: Tonight

Post by bumblebee » December 28th, 2013, 8:40 am

two candles without flames clinging to each-other and hoping to find life within each-others arms.. either that or i'm projecting a memory of my own.. eerily familiar..

amazing write :)


Sorrows woven
heart worn..
sing of sadness
until hope brings Dawn..

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