A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

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jsol
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A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by jsol » March 2nd, 2013, 9:21 am

sadness can be still
and it can be a movement like winds blowing nowhere

in stillness sadness sinks into frozen places
lashing out in frustration, urgently, unbearably motionless

I am sad now in the aged and curling wishes of hopelessness

I have looked into the
dark corners where answers hide and touched their many,
brittle faces, their lockless keys of chin and eye and lips

they are ghosts and I wonder is it possible that I am alive
in shadow and scattered light
I twirl about and see only mirrors reflecting
the endless motion of choices
that remain so still in their sadness

and through endless mirrors
the sad winds blow nowhere motionless with pity
I am sad now
the glass between us thickens
opaque my light dims
and I see more of only myself
I am alone
in a world of mirrors
my face a lockless key
as its features come to resemble more of
the very reason I am blinded by too much sight



ladymaybebaby
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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by ladymaybebaby » March 2nd, 2013, 10:10 am

This is a very lovely piece of writing! Your lines breaks are wonderful, your diction is sublime and the metaphor is just wonderful! I was hooked from the beginning! Great work here!

-LMB
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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by AliMariesDad » March 2nd, 2013, 10:50 am

I love how you contrast the sillness of dark corners and mirrors with the motion of the wind, and relate them both to each other and to sadness. The sadness of discovering the answers (whether satisfactory or not); the sadness of seeing ourselves for what we really are (the purpose of a mirror); the sadness of things moving on (like the wind). Absolutely incredible!
AMD



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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by Eccles » March 2nd, 2013, 4:53 pm

like other poems of yours I have read, this is excellent. A perfect portrayal of sadness. So beautifully written.

I keep looking for your work.

Eccles



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jsol
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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by jsol » March 2nd, 2013, 5:35 pm

Thank you all very much for the comments.
Last edited by jsol on December 15th, 2013, 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.



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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by miharu » March 3rd, 2013, 6:32 pm

"I have looked into the
dark corners where answers hide and touched their many,
brittle faces, their lockless keys of chin and eye and lips"

These lines made me shiver, they were so excellently penned. I found myself reading them over and over...

- miharu



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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by bumblebee » December 15th, 2013, 3:40 pm

this is a really amazing poem.. i echo the thoughts of miharu here and really loved those lines - they seemed to linger and hold me a while..

''I have looked into the
dark corners where answers hide and touched their many,
brittle faces, their lockless keys of chin and eye and lips"


Sorrows woven
heart worn..
sing of sadness
until hope brings Dawn..

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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by Forestdawn » December 15th, 2013, 9:45 pm

jsol: A very surreal piece of art. Your structure was perfect. The free verse was superb! An overall majestic masterpiece. It is a must re-read. I really enjoyed it very much.


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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by dwells » December 18th, 2013, 4:35 pm

Sadness can indeed be found in our faces. The San Paku is the three whites that the Japanese refer to, when the eyes seem to droop in face reading, and usually signals extreme sadness and anguish perhaps. The title holds a key in this piece concerning a state of hopelssness, as time an beauty perhaps both flee and leave us frozen in helpless solitude. Cheers Jsol and don't go breaking any of those mirrors now!


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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by JASON » December 19th, 2013, 7:43 am

what a desperately sad state of affairs.
congratulations on a special poem.



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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by starscollide » December 19th, 2013, 3:37 pm

Beautifully written. I especially liked
"sadness can be still
and it can be a movement like winds blowing nowhere"
Nice take on juxtaposing words, really enjoyed this:)



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jsol
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Re: A Slammed Door and a Tear that Wouldn't Fall

Post by jsol » December 20th, 2013, 5:14 pm

dwells: fascinating info about the Japanese theater masks. very interesting parallel you drew between the sadness of the poem's speaker and the intricacies of the sadness displayed in the San Paku. I greatly appreciate your insightful comments and, personally, have a tendency to break mirrors, though this can sometimes be for the best.

JASON: your comment deserves an award. I lol every time I read it as you certainly nailed it on the head with your "desperately sad state of affairs" statement. When I wrote this, things were kinda f#ck%d up so you captured the situation perfectly. Thanks for refering to what I wrote as special, this means a lot to me.

starscollide: very astute observation about the juxtaposition between the stillness and the movement of the sadness so referred. Thank you for your comment, I am humbled and honored.

To all that read and to all that commented, thank you.

TTFN



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