Bar Fly (mature)

[dwells]

Dressed in Goodwill gaudy
she smelled like the poor
Something swept up
in the sawdust
peanut shells
and vomit

Stale cigarette breath
with a stomach full
of bad memories
cheap beer
junk food
and men

Oily hair in her gaunt face
Wearing a haunted smile
with a few missing teeth
and mush for a brain

Yet all the gods wept
as he borrowed her body
while she sang off-key
to yesterday

[candlewitch]

hello my friend,
we see so very many of them...lost souls everyone. You have captured the futility of the situation! This is excellent:

Yet all the gods wept
as he borrowed her body
while she sang off-key
to yesterday

always, Cat

[karrie]

Oh my, the imagery in this and the sense of dispair and hopelessness jumped out at me. Well done!

[nortan223]

This read almost like a horror story, but the underlying message was one of sadness, that humans can be reduced to such levels of degradation for the "enjoyment"of others.
A brilliant piece of writing, Dwells, that really "cuts to the bone".

Norman

[miharu]

Dwells, you have written this piece with dignity and honor and so well conveyed a truly horrible tale. So when I say the ending made me want to cry, it is for sorrow and pity for the woman listed in the story. Truly a chilling, yet well written piece from a talented poet.

[GMC]

so sad so true
that we are what we are
and seldom learn
from our experiences
about the value and
dignity of each and
every one of us

thanks for sharing
GMC

[John1967]

The words paint a picture and I have seen these people you write about.

Thank you for sharing.

[dwells]

Thanks Cat and they are ubiquitous, and they are us.

Karrie - then I have succeeded, Dan

Norman - just a slice of life from the underbelly, cheers!

Miharu - from a zoology major to a cellular biologist is it? It is in our DNA - at least some of us sadly, cheers!

GMC - always enjoy your work and you speak of the truth that some would deny, thanks.

John - if it was me then it was almost 40 years ago. The understudies are still in-training, cheers!

[dornicks]

You can take this one to the top of the class,well written with a chilling theme. The bottle has claws of steel,no choice involved until rock bottom is reached. Thank you for sharing this,

dornicks

[dwells]

Thanks Dornicks and there is always at least one in every town, but I try not to become "the one" cheers!

[Ladywildalice]

Ah my friend. We writers long to write "THE PIECE", the one that will be grabbed on to by our peers, our comrades......the one that those just starting out will read and say "Now THAT'S the way I want to write"!!!
This is it. Your imagery is so precise I could smell it, taste it. The bile rose, the pity rose, and then with the last 2 lines, the sense of shame and sympathy came prancing across the page. Everyone needs someone, even if for a moment of being used.........it is better than never feeling another human's arms, lips, heartbeat. This brought tears and I am envious indeed. Excellent.

[dwells]

Thanks Sue and this was a re-write to conform to the TOS, but better I'm sure in the final analysis when shock value is replaced by sincerity (as are your much-appreciated insights), cheers! - Dan

[rupertpupkin]

Hi, that is one great write. Hard and gritty and full of great lines and super word choices. A most deserving spotlight, well done mate, enjoy, Sean.

[dornicks]

I'm pleased this made it to the Spotlight for the sake of those who are still at it. Congratulations,

dornicks

[jsol]

Great poem. I really liked the line "Yet all the gods wept/as he borrowed her body" It conveys such a sense of compassion and meaning to actions that could perhaps be considered deplorable. Spot on.

[dwells]

Sean, Dornicks, and Jsol - much appreciated mates and sometimes shorter is better when the words speak a language of their own. Wish I could remember to take my own advice more often, cheers!

[Rainman]

Very fine write, I found it quite moving. There seem to be so many people out there that are damaged and broken these days. Well done on the spotlight, it is well deserved.

[songofmeadow]

I agree with rainman, very moving. The fact that you tell the reader straight without dressing up the character involved makes for a greater impact, powerful, affecting writing, mx

[dwells]

Rainman and MX - appreciate the high praise from two of TPS' best. I've had some of the younger set reveal that they are unfamiliar with the title as term from another time, cheers!

[Ladywildalice]

Congratulations on the spotlight, Dan. This piece sets the bar rather high for the rest of we, your fellow writers, or shall I say, some of us who aspire to write like this. A superb piece and so well deserving of this recognition. Reading it again, my Muse has donned her most green coat of envy.