To The Honey Bees In An Orkney Hive

[peterandrewday]

In early September I stayed in a guest house in the town of Stromness, Orkney; the landlady, Doris, was a beekeeper; one morning she took me to visit the hives. The result is this extensive redraft of a poem about honey bees written years ago, at one time posted on an Irish website which is now defunct. This redraft was greatly aided by having had for the first time close and personal experience of a honey bee hive.

Stinging, swarming, nectar-sucking buzzers,
Pollen gold merchants, sixwax-sided vaulters,
Globic bloom-sopors, drowsies at suppers,
Airborne puffs of sleep, Sufi, soft soldiers,
Their quavering ‘brruzz’ unnervingly dies
While they land, gather, quaff like musicians,
Then take again to wavering wings and rise
On relentless pulse of pursued addiction.

Furry air-bears, flight-lumberers, sweetcombers
Make Spring bloom, turn flowers to fruit as oracles
To truth, tend larvae in their honeycomas
To sister selves, daintiest of forage-mules
With hum the stars vibrate to, sweet-swells, pieces
Of work, swift thrifts with golden pollen fleeces.

[Dew]

So many wonderfully inspired gems in this piece!

I adored many of them, especially:

"nectar-sucking buzzers"
"sixwax-sided vaulters"
"furry air-bears"
"honeycomas"
"forage-mules"
"pollen fleeces"

Every one of those was a delight to read and re-read...I think you're right! Your personal experience definitely aided the redraft! This is wonderful! I love it!! Bravo!!

Dew

[Sasha]

I love how this was rich in wonderful adjectives, like you take the reader along with you on this experience, and that's an accomplishment, you were careful with the descriptions, assonance, making this a really delightful read. Great work!

Sash

[flux]

Love, love, love the word choice here and all the playful and inventive ways you used words, inventing so many alternative names for these furry fellows. There is so much love in this poem, you obviously loved this subject because it glows like honey. I'd be proud if I wrote this.

[peterandrewday]

Many thanks to all who read; a special mention to:-

Dew (I love how you can celebrate other writers' work)

Sasha, Sash (you noticed! That I'm 'careful with.....)

flux ( a great compliment, to say you would be proud if you wrote this; a warm thank you)

[jwesley]

Like those above, you left nothing to the imagination...wonderfully written, my friend. Much enjoyed.

j.

[peterandrewday]

Just a quick 'thank you' to jwesley for your positive comeback.

[gooseberry]

What a masterful piece of poetry!! I would echo everything that has been said,your poem is packed with such wonderful,rich imagery and some highly original word-play.Quite stunning in fact and thank you so much for sharing.

PS - I've been to the Orkneys,it's a true wilderness isn't it!!

[ConcreteChariot]

Really great vocabulary, I'm always finding my work so linear to more experienced writers. Awesome stuff!

[Ladywildalice]

It is amazing the manner in which you lay out the "discriptors" here, creating a portrait painted in a myriad color scheme of strong and gentle images, tossed together and flung upon the paper , but craftily done to mesmerize and capture, versus sending your reader away shaking his head in abject horror or disbelief.
This made me actually hear bruuzzzing, for sure. A mouth watering, sticky piece that will attach itself to anyone who happens upon it and takes the smoky time to really observe it's depth. Much, Much enjoyed your talented and excellent offering. Many thanks.

[peterandrewday]

These additional comments are much appreciated:-

gooseberry - thanks for your visit and kind words. I agree, the Orkneys are a true wilderness, everything from wild seascapes to some amazing archaeology.

ConcreteChariot - thank you, I always value your input: don't under-rate your own word-smithing, you're on the right path. On linear vs lateral approaches - a military analogy - linear is frontal attack, lateral is a flanking movement (or if it's extremely lateral, guerrilla tactics).

Ladywildalice - really loved your response, honeyed words for sure!

[everhopeful]

The sound quality of this one is a treat to behold, and most appropriate bearing in mind the theme of the poem. With such a rich diction and appreciation for a breed which has been suffering as of late, it's a fine nature poem.

Congratulations on winning the Hidden Gem Award for Nature!

[Dew]

Congrats! A real favorite of mine! So pleased to see you win the Nature with this gem! -dew

[gooseberry]

I felt the need to return here Peter and reiterate in light of your hidden gem award.Such a rich and beautiful poem that thoroughly deserves its award winning status.Nature poetry that demands frequent reads and admiration in abundance.Bravo my friend.

[JASON]

nice Peter, you have really captured the sights and sounds
of these busy little blighters...
In my area there are quite a few deaths attributed to these guys.
Congratulations on your special sonnet.

[dornicks]

Reading this almost gave the feeling we were with you on that day. So well wrtten ,thought and worded. Congratulations on the Spotlight,

dornicks

[peterandrewday]

A big "Thank you!" to those who have revisited this poem as well as those who have left additional comments. I have an inordinate love for bees, though I am myself a humble drone! Certainly hives worldwide are doing it tough at the moment. And, JASON down in S.A., such a scary thought that there are in fact species of killer bees, though of course, as with all species, it was adapt or die and S.A. is not a forgiving climatic or survival environment. Strange, however, that the bees which evolved in the equally harsh environment of Australia are docile and, I believe, stingless.

[inflames]

Neat piece! I like the personal story that you have included in this too. Wonderful job! Congrats on your spotlight. :)

[dwells]

Imaginative imagery PAD and congrats on the Spotlight! The reader becomes lost in this tongue-in-cheek, sweet re-telling of the goings-on, of these insectivorous aviators we generally ignore from a distance, cheers!