I keep telling~ a lie.- A villanelle

Post by **ShaneWells** » February 19th, 2014, 8:45 pm

I keep telling myself that I'm ready to die.
You keep telling me that things will get better,
But right now I know that is a lie.

Tears stream down my face as I cry,
Things will never get recover- this is forever.
I keep telling myself that I'm ready to die.

My gaze towards the heavens and beg for a "Why?"
You tell me to have fun, and find pleasure.
But right now I know that is a lie.

I keep finding myself ready to say good-bye.
I just can't take the pressure.
I keep telling myself that I'm ready to die.

I don't care what you imply.
You can try to make it sound like things get better.
But right now I know that is a lie.

The car slides- I cant regain control- only try.
I've been bested by the weather.
I keep telling myself that I'm ready to die.
But right now I know that is a lie.

Post by **Dew** » February 21st, 2014, 12:03 am

Magnificent use of the repeated lines to signify the obsessive thinking that comes with depression and anxiety! Absolutely squeezed every ounce of impact out of every stanza that way! The repetition was made even better when you tossed us that curve in the last stanza! I marveled at how the same two lines worked together to completely reverse their meaning up to that point. This was a terrific accomplishment! I am impressed and jealous! Awesome...dew

Post by **devious83** » February 21st, 2014, 1:18 am

Yeah, that's awesome, basically the whole reversal of meaning of lie and die, what Dew said, it simply was outstanding, and well deserved of praise! -Jason

Post by **ShaneWells** » February 21st, 2014, 6:19 am

I actually crashed a car recently to find the notivation for this. Thank you for your praise

Post by **TheRaven97** » February 24th, 2014, 2:11 pm

Hey cousin, I know your struggles, and you know I'm free whenever. Shoot me a message on Facebook or call and we can chat.. I hope you're doing well.

With love,
Jake

Post by **dwells** » March 23rd, 2014, 6:36 pm

Very astutely executed, the 180 spin-out with the loss of control and the reversal of opinion when the survival instincts kicked-in perhaps. The difference between what we say and do SW, and congrats on the Spotlight! Cheers and may all roads now lead straight and upwards.

Post by **Sasha** » March 27th, 2014, 8:23 pm

First, I'm sorry to know this came out from a real thing, but that's some great villanelle!
I love this form and I know it's hard to pick lines that will be repeated and actually at the end make sense. I think when we wish for something, and I know when we do, we don't really think it through, so when we do experience it, we realise that's more than just a wish and it makes us reconsider our calculations, and I love how that all was put here in an effective way. A piece that speaks volumes!
Congratulations on the Spotlight!

Sash

Post by **miharu** » March 27th, 2014, 9:32 pm

Wow! Reading your comment about this being a mostly true-to-life experience made me go back to re-read the piece; it gained such a poignancy when read in that light.

Particularly, I liked the lines:
"I don't care what you imply.
You can try to make it sound like things get better.
But right now I know that is a lie."
They really show the confusion and conflict in the speaker's head.

I did enjoy the slight positive note at the end of this piece!

Post by **QuietAstronomer** » March 28th, 2014, 12:23 pm

So much of lie is a lie. Seems the only way to survive.
Just like with computers. I make them work so many times by lying to them to get them to do what I want.
But that life thing,,,,,,we can lie, but not escape.

Well done!

Congrats on Spotlight.

QA

I keep telling~ a lie.- A villanelle

Re: I keep telling~ a lie.- A villanelle

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Re: I keep telling~ a lie.- A villanelle

Re: I keep telling~ a lie.- A villanelle

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Re: I keep telling~ a lie.- A villanelle