Seasons
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- Regular Member
- Posts:28
- Joined:February 17th, 2014, 5:14 pm
You stand in the wheat plains gazing heavenward
Palm rested on the side of a chestnut foal
Cumulus drifted slowly, soft heels dug into clods
Shoots brushed cranberry cheeks, crickets whispered
Their secret melody under the settling dusk
Gold waves to rickety barn, sides infested with ivy
Dismantled windmill blades sprinkled in dew drops,
Seedlings of those scary thunder nights,
Lay glistening like a second sun on muddy sky
Faded fence skewed like an ice skater’s blade
Scraping joyously on frozen lakes under Moon lamps
Waking to Mother’s oven and Grace’s doll house
Father rapt in daily news of some faraway place
Hopping over creaky floorboards, storing static
Against wool carpets and zapping Grandma’s knitting
Prodding toes kissed by lotus blossoms and tadpoles
Bursting in lukewarm homes, busy imagining a bridge
Straight to the opposite pole of that upturned world
Contained in the mirror, free to roam guarded forests
Hunting gaunt and mesmerizing fairytales
Vision wrinkling in warm shades like mangoes, oranges
Frisbees dropped, under hammocks or crude tents
Saving scrapbooks from attic cobwebs--pasts, before pasts
Taping our precious scribbles religiously until our
White ceilings converted to memorial mosaics
Dragonflies and Vs of geese enchanted our daydreams
Off to some Everest or Yosemite where adventure lurks
Leather-bound journals lined tables clasping memories
And reminders to future selves to always hold dear
Your heart’s home: acres of beginnings, middles, and ends
Palm rested on the side of a chestnut foal
Cumulus drifted slowly, soft heels dug into clods
Shoots brushed cranberry cheeks, crickets whispered
Their secret melody under the settling dusk
Gold waves to rickety barn, sides infested with ivy
Dismantled windmill blades sprinkled in dew drops,
Seedlings of those scary thunder nights,
Lay glistening like a second sun on muddy sky
Faded fence skewed like an ice skater’s blade
Scraping joyously on frozen lakes under Moon lamps
Waking to Mother’s oven and Grace’s doll house
Father rapt in daily news of some faraway place
Hopping over creaky floorboards, storing static
Against wool carpets and zapping Grandma’s knitting
Prodding toes kissed by lotus blossoms and tadpoles
Bursting in lukewarm homes, busy imagining a bridge
Straight to the opposite pole of that upturned world
Contained in the mirror, free to roam guarded forests
Hunting gaunt and mesmerizing fairytales
Vision wrinkling in warm shades like mangoes, oranges
Frisbees dropped, under hammocks or crude tents
Saving scrapbooks from attic cobwebs--pasts, before pasts
Taping our precious scribbles religiously until our
White ceilings converted to memorial mosaics
Dragonflies and Vs of geese enchanted our daydreams
Off to some Everest or Yosemite where adventure lurks
Leather-bound journals lined tables clasping memories
And reminders to future selves to always hold dear
Your heart’s home: acres of beginnings, middles, and ends
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- Elite Member
- Posts:2426
- Joined:April 18th, 2012, 9:46 am
Re: Seasons
Such a striking piece of work! I love the slick transition of seasons without saying this is 'Autumn', this is 'Winter' and so on, instead you let the images and the wonderful scenes and settings have a say in the poem, creating great images in the reader's mind, and moving them along the change. Really, there's a lot to take in in this piece, it's rich in vivid ideas and images, demanding the reader's attention all the time to enjoy each bit.
And I love the ending, it has this fantastical feel to it with beautiful ending line.
Great job! Oh, and welcome to TPS!
Sash
And I love the ending, it has this fantastical feel to it with beautiful ending line.
Great job! Oh, and welcome to TPS!
Sash
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- Location:Canada
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Re: Seasons
I agree with Sasha. This is such a fabulously visual piece. But it's filled with tenderness and meaning in each stanza. There is so much I like about this, but to be specific: I loved the comparison of the fence to an ice skater's blade in the second stanza. I also liked the way the seasons were broken between stanzas, the way one thing moved to the next. Finally, I really liked the ending because it let the reader know what the meaning of the poem was. I like it when that happens, and then I can re-read the poem with new meaning. Great job.
Bay
Bay
3 replies for every poem you post! You get what you give!
- sparky21737
- Elite Member
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- Joined:May 3rd, 2013, 5:31 am
- Location:Queensland, Australia
Re: Seasons
I have to echo the above comments, this poem is truly a remarkable piece. The imagery was amazing and the transitions between the seasons was done smoothly. I liked how you wove more human elements into the poem and brought in the ideas of memories with the scrapbook and the journal. A well written poem and thanks for sharing.
Sparky
Sparky
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light ~ Albus Dumbledore
Sparky's Poetry
Sparky's Poetry
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- Elite Member
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- Joined:April 17th, 2012, 12:21 am
- Location:Deep in the heart of Texas
Re: Seasons
I whole heartedly agree with all of the above comments. Some striking imagery in this! Well done and congrats on the Spotlight!
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- Location:dying in the heat and humidity that is New Orleans
Re: Seasons
Hi and welcome to TPS... What a wonderful piece of poetry... it's so grand and visual, setting a tone, a feeling, a mood... everything that good poetry is supposed to do, you've done that here. Just lovely writing! Congratulations on the spotlight, it is well deserved! I'm looking forward to reading much more of your work!
-LMB
xoxo
-LMB
xoxo
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- Regular Member
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- Joined:April 6th, 2014, 6:03 pm
- Location:Woodstock, NY
Re: Seasons
Congratulations; this poem is filled with beautiful imagery that carries the reader through the seasons; wonderfully written and conceived. A true treasure. Loretta
- Josie
- Regular Member
- Posts:770
- Joined:May 27th, 2012, 10:31 pm
Re: Seasons
Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight recognition. I am reminded of those classes where groups are formed to brainstorm and I would be one member of the class beating a path to be in your group. I visualize your head bursting open with so many descriptive phrases and ideas. You take the reader right with you as you recall the seasons ! Thank you for sharing.
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- Elite Member
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- Joined:April 14th, 2012, 9:21 am
Re: Seasons
You have a striking descriptive style here, there is so much happening that even static scenery takes on a vibrant feel, and it's to your credit how you've brought it to life, whether it's the natural world or the scene indoors.
The ending was excellent, it added a new sense of focus to the poem and showed why this observational poem was presented with such genuine affection.
Congratulations on the spotlight!
The ending was excellent, it added a new sense of focus to the poem and showed why this observational poem was presented with such genuine affection.
Congratulations on the spotlight!
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- Regular Member
- Posts:28
- Joined:February 17th, 2014, 5:14 pm
Re: Seasons
Thanks to everyone for their comments and time! I hope to keep writing pieces that engage you guys!