Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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Azfar
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Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by Azfar » October 15th, 2015, 1:26 pm

Dýing smiles, corruptéd joy
When all my musings cease
Óften branding to annoy
When all intent is peace

When all intent is peace
In scripting to deploy
Thus onward text to cease
And mourning I enjoy

And mourning I enjoy
When smiles had pass’d in ease
As memories employ
And laughter halts to tease

And laughter halts to tease
All for a smile that’s missed.


Appointed time I trode
Long absences in mode


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allmirth
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by allmirth » October 15th, 2015, 2:13 pm

The repetition gives this a haunting wistful feel.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey:


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dwells
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by dwells » October 15th, 2015, 9:32 pm

The butterfly returns DC; with misunderstood words, mourning, and memories. The plot thickens - cheers! Dan. Very much liked the format you employed here.


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JASON
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by JASON » October 17th, 2015, 3:37 am

This was brilliant - expertly written - well done!!
the rhyming and the cadence absolutely spot on :thumb:



Frappuccino
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by Frappuccino » October 18th, 2015, 12:50 pm

I like it! It has such a haunting, yet strangely comforting melancholic atmosphere to it. I like how the lines play into one another, repeating the lines as if the former line triggered a memory. Cleverly written work indeed.



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candlewitch
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by candlewitch » May 30th, 2016, 4:24 pm

I never knew that there could be beauty in sorrow. you have educated me! thanks...well done...haunting!

always, Cat


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Josie
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by Josie » June 1st, 2016, 10:53 pm

I enjoyed your chaining of stanzas by using the last line of a stanza as the first line of the next stanza. The meter and the use of only two alternating rhymes ABAB was also effective. I liked the way you made the last line not fit the rhyming pattern and varied the first stanzas syllable count to add variation.
Congratulations on the TPS spotlight recognition.


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BarryC
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by BarryC » June 2nd, 2016, 4:14 am

awesome piece of writing-deserves the spotlight



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starscollide
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Re: Farewell, Butterfly (IK)

Post by starscollide » June 2nd, 2016, 5:31 am

Beautiful flow, great work.A well deserved spotlight:)



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