ash
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- Regular Member
- Posts: 246
- Joined: April 18th, 2012, 2:50 am
ash
and when the last gasp of sunshine is,
coaxed from the ash
cutting through the winter smog
it'll shine on the last clover
choking on the dirty snow
and burnt flesh
they'll wonder the world
bound in rags and bones
eating, dreaming, eating
each other
loving
each other
the summer dresses, and fields of wheat
are all torn down, the brooks and trees
are all gone
metal skyscrapers will pierce
the sky,
and the cracked concrete
will drown the world in gray
and man will hunger, and man will thirst
in a sepia colored filter
and when the last gasp of sunshine is,
coaxed from the ash
cutting through the winter smog
it'll shine on the last man
choking on his tears
alone
coaxed from the ash
cutting through the winter smog
it'll shine on the last clover
choking on the dirty snow
and burnt flesh
they'll wonder the world
bound in rags and bones
eating, dreaming, eating
each other
loving
each other
the summer dresses, and fields of wheat
are all torn down, the brooks and trees
are all gone
metal skyscrapers will pierce
the sky,
and the cracked concrete
will drown the world in gray
and man will hunger, and man will thirst
in a sepia colored filter
and when the last gasp of sunshine is,
coaxed from the ash
cutting through the winter smog
it'll shine on the last man
choking on his tears
alone
“I soon realized that poets do not compose their poems with knowledge, but by some inborn talent and by inspiration, like seers and prophets who also say many fine things without any understanding of what they say.”
-Socrates
-Socrates
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Re: ash
I really like this one a lot. I thought it was especially unique for a nature piece. Most of all, the imagery was fantastic here, especially combined with the subtle and hypnotic repetition you included because the repetition made the imagery of the poem feel hypnotic as well (did that make sense?). This bit here is what I'm referring to: "eating, dreaming, eating/ each other/ loving/ each other." Powerful writing. Great job.
Bay
Bay
3 replies for every poem you post! You get what you give!
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- Regular Member
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- Joined: April 23rd, 2012, 6:05 am
- Location: Scotland
Re: ash
Initially this well-crafted piece put me in mind of 'In The Year 2525' by Zagger and Evans, a hit from way back in the Sixties. Just like that song, your poem combines lyrical intensity with facts about the world and realistic possibilities for its future; this creates a tone of 'compassionate prophecy'. I hope passionately the world's outcome as here described will be proven wrong, yet I fear just as intensely it may be right. The quality of your work here makes 'The Spotlight' well-deserved.
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- Elite Member
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- Joined: August 19th, 2013, 9:04 pm
- Location: South Florida, U.S.A.
Re: ash
Presaging a nuclear winter perhaps Lortimer with a postscript for civilization. A starkly foreboding and ignominious ending that was ignored until it arrived and could no longer be, cheers and congrats on the Spotlight!